In the spirit of the game, here are ten things I've done that you probably haven't:

1. Had my nose broken three times. Well, okay. That's not really true. I had it broken twice in martial arts tournaments. I broke it once myself. (I was jumping on one of those inflatable castle-tents at the carnival. I was doing mid-air flips. Once, my feet landed too far out in front of me and my nose came down on my knee. Not my brightest moment.)

2. Lost bladder control while being shot at.
--Again, not one of my proudest moments, but when the tree I was standing behind exploded, sounding like someone had just struck the other side with a baseball bat, I lost it.

3. Restarted someone's heart using CPR.

4. Threw three touchdown passes in one high school football game.

5. Sank a buzzer-beating half-court shot for the winning points in a high school basketball game. Twice.

6. Been a professional bodyguard.

7. Been the first responding officer on the scene at over ten traffic fatalities.

8. Paid for EMT training out of my own pocket and on my own time after being the first responding officer on the scene of my first traffic fatality.

9. Hang-glided the Alps.

10. Played tag with a sealion.


Joseph Haines, signing off from The Edge of The Abyss.