They say there are no two bigger hypocrites in the world than born-again Christians and ex-smokers. I've always tried not to become an ex-smoking hypocrite, but I've decided that if I do, it's okay.

The more I think about smoking, and what it does to you, the more I get angry at myself for being such a moron for so many damned years. I'm angry at myself for sticking those damned poisoned sticks in my mouth whenever I had the chance. I'm angry at myself for allowing my nasal passages to become singed and clogged, adding to my already severe breathing problems. I made sleep harder to acheive. I lost sensation that will take me months and years to get back. Worse yet? I put a gun to my head full of cancerous bullets and played Russian roullette.

Even though I'm quitting, I sent my risk of dying from cancer through the roof. I've got incredibly low cholesterol numbers. My heart is very strong. I could have lived to be over a hundred, except I chose to shorten my life by ignoring my weight and pouring hundreds of poisonous chemicals into my body every day. For fun.

Here's a little fact for you: Smoking causes more deaths every year than fires, auto crashes, alcohol, cocaine, heroin, AIDS, murders and suicides combined.

And it's self-inflicted.

Fuck it. Call me a hypocrite if you want. I was a moron. I deserve it.

Joseph Haines, signing off from The Edge of The Abyss.