John T. Schramm

Novel Word Count: 17,471

Reading now: The Lincoln Lawyer - Mr. Michael Connelly
Listening to: INXS - SWITCH

It's Friday the 13th, and that means San Francisco's KFOG is rolling another incarnation of HITS FROM HELL. For those who are unfamiliar, 10 @ 10 has three varieties of bad songs. They are:

TURKEYS - which are songs that are really stupid, but that we actually kinda like anyway.

GUILTY PLEASURES - which are songs that we like, but we don't want anybody to know we like them. Example: Abba.

and HITS FROM HELL - which are just really BAD records.

I have to say that today's HITS FROM HELL 10 @ 10 featured some of the most obnoxious, spine shrivelling, ever to be played. If anyone actually likes any of these songs, I apologize in advance.

Here is the list. It is a vertical tasting, which means a song from each of ten consecutive years. Half 70's and half 80's. These hits from hell were actually hits, as they were taken from the Billboard charts on January 13 from each year. Don't let that fool you. These are BAD records.

Comments are mostly mine. Some are Dave Morey's.

1975 - Carpenters - Please Mr. Postman

A good song in its original version. Some of the remakes were okay. But the Carpenters were way too sterile, white, and precise for this song. Or any R&B.

1976 - Barry Manilow - I Write the Songs

No HITS FROM HELL list is complete without something by Barry. Even though we all like him.

1977 - Englebert Humperdink - After the Lovin'

It took me years to get his song out of my head. Stupid, stupid song. A favorite in karaoke bars.

1978 - Debbie Boone - You Light Up My Life

Everybody hates this song. Everybody. Even my show-tune loving wife says it's just ... bad.

1979 - Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand - You Don't Bring Me Flowers

My wife says we're not allowed to hate Barbra. She may be a nice lady, but has no place on the charts.

1980 - Barbra Streisand & Donna Summer - Enough is Enough

Barbra tries to go disco. Just hideous.

1981 - Leo Sayer - More Than I Can Say

Totally useless, says Dave Morey. This was one of two songs I could actually stomach hearing again, but still very, very bad.

1982 - Olivia Newton John - Physical

I love Olivia. But she should have quit while she was ahead. This was a low point. Very low.

1983 - Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson - The Girl is Mine

A shining example of the adage that some things should NOT be mixed. Truly awful. I think Paul came to regret it.

1984 - Jump in the Saddle - Curly Shuffle

This was the other song that didn't make me think homicidal thoughts. I don't know why someone wrote a song about The Stooges, but okay. This one was fun.

I am happy to say that I do not own any of these songs, but I could only shake my head when my wife told me she liked a few of them.

Okay, so fess up. Any of these songs make you mad? Or do you like any of them? Worse, did you buy any of them? They were Top Ten hits, so somebody bought them.