Jimmy told me today that I would never live an average life. I have a lot to gain or a lot to lose and I will either be at one extreme or the other. I never take the middle road. This is true. I didn't know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult. I don't think he meant it as an insult. But it hurt just the same. Only because I can already feel myself falling fast. It's so hard to keep your head above water when you don't know how to swim. For some reason I keep thinking about how I ask questions and argue for everything.
"It is good to be inquistive. Most people are not and they lead mediocre lives of indifference."
I decided a long time ago I would not be average. I'm not. I'm too goofy. It's just as of late I do not feel that I am making any progress anywhere. Not only did I stop swimming, I stopped trending water and I starting sinking. I think what Jimmy said upset me cause I know that he is right. I know I am always one extreme or another, I do not take the average path. I couldn't if I wanted to. I don't know how. It's in my heart to do everything full force, to throw myself completely into what I am doing. And he is right, it either hurts me or helps me. The problem is most of the time I don't even care anymore. For myself I mean. I only want to do it to prove others wrong or so I don't disappoint my family. As for me, I am more apathetic everyday.
In Men in Black (I'm watching the movie right now, Will Smith is such a bad ass! :D ) he asks, "Is it worth it?" and the answer is, "Oh yeah, its worth it if you are strong enough."
It seems ironic that they say that. That phrase seems to be haunting me today. Thats like the 5th time I've heard it, in either songs or the movie. "If I am strong enough." Well who the fuck decides how strong you have to be? Cause I am pretty fucking tired of being strong. It doesn't seem to have a point anymore. And all of my surefire ways of fixing the problem do not work any longer. Not that it matters, I always figure something out. I always do. *SiGh*

-kln-

"Something isnt right, I can feel it again. This isn't the first time that you left me waiting. Sad excuses and false hopes high. I saw this coming, still I dont know why I let you in. I knew it all a line. Your so predictable. I knew something would go wrong. So you don't have to call or say anything at all. So predicatable. So take your empty words your broken promises. And all the time you stole causeI am done with this. I can give it away. I'm doing everything I should of."