The day with my aunts, uncles, and cousins must be relayed. I swear its true. I did not get this from Blue Collar Comedy Tour, although I do believe it would make a great episode. We were making paunhaus at my uncles. For those of you who are not rednecks or hicks and do not know what this is, it is a mixture of meat and grain (I think) boiled over a fire in a big pot by guys with big sticks drinking beer (I swear, thats part of the reciept.) We do it every 6 months or so. Big family ordeal.

Anyways.

My brother comes and gets me and we head up to my uncles house, niether of us having the slightest clue as to how to get there. Three phone calls and two turn arounds later we arrive. (Yes, I swear all this unnecessary set up is necessary for the whole story.) We get out of the truck and two of my cousins (I should add now that on this particular side of the family there were twelve kids and I have about 50 some cousins and 20 some second cousins --I have a big family) are asking were the urninal is. I ignore because they are drinking beer (as we do at every family function (God, if you have to be with family, at least get drunk) and it was noon so I figured, hey they must be drunk by now. But noooooo. They were looking for a non attacted to a wall urinal because they were going to shoot it with guns. Yeah. So My other cousin throws the urinal into his truck, jumps a snow pile, spins through a field and we trudge through the snow following. So eight of us are standing in this field, shooting guns at this urinal. Pieces of it are flying every where, and I thought "Wow. My family is so cool." Hahahaha! So there we were with our beers in one hand, and guns in the other hand, drinking and shooting this urinal having the time of our country lives. Once the urinal was shards every we drank the beer a little faster, and shoot the cans. Obviously the given answer. The only argument that came up was when my cousin's boyfriend wanted to shoot my other cousin's truck bed to see if the bullet would go through both sides. Now my cousin didn't care about his truck. He was only upset about an ealier incident where the boyfriend wouldn't let the cousin shoot another cousin with a potato gun. The argument went something like this:
"You wouldn't let me shoot him with a potato gun, but you want to shoot my truck with a 45?!"
"Hey potato guns have killed people!"
"Yeah a 45 never hurt anyone."
My brother jumps in, "People don't kill people! Potatos kill people."
I wouldn't have my family any other way. Truly I would not. Their abnormalities make me fit right in.

-kln-

Part of being a redneck is being blissfully unaware that you are a redneck.