Dear Friends and Family:

Hey there. Been a long time, eh? I even had one friend email me because she was worried her email had somehow been subtracted from the list I haven't written in so long.

Well, I guess it's because Portland is so great, I find myself not having much writing fodder (complaints). Also, we are buying a house, and as I am the native English speaker here, that means I get to read all the fine print, arrange financial matters, hire handymen, etc. etc.

Even with Mia in Japanese preschool 3 times a week, I find the days, weeks, months going by so quickly I can't even believe it's already October and we've been here for 3 months now.

Naoto's enjoying his new job and has started playing rugby. His team is called 'avalanche' and its in the international gay rugby league. You don't actually have to be gay to play, but I love saying "my husband plays gay rugby".

I still haven't gotten over the whole "yeah, I'm back in the U.S." thing.

Reverse Culture Shock

No I've done this before. It's not like I haven't spent significant time outside of the US before. I had major reverse culture shock (RCS) coming back from Nicaragua in college (it's hard to explain how finding myself in an aisle full of different peanut butters after seeing empty shelves in major grocery stores in Managua really brought home to me the meaning of "privileged") and then coming back from Japan the first time I was here.

Americans are really big. And loud. And friendly. And like to talk to strangers. And take up alot of space.

But now I find myself on playgrounds not observing Japanese mommies, but white, middle class mommies. For some reason I still feel like an outsider, or maybe more accurately, a poser. I feel like I am "doing" this U.S. mom thing rather than "being" her. I feel uneasy at Music Together class, aware that I might be standing too close to the mommy next to me, or staring at their hairstyle just a little too long. I am not quite sure what "normal" small talk is like because I've spent the past four years explaining my country, children's parentage, and how long I've studied Japanese instead.

And yes, this is really the only thing I can find to complain about. People here are nice. There's like a million things to do on the weekend, and there's a large Japanese and Japanese/American couple population here that we are slowly infiltrating.

But when will it feel like "life" instead of a "short visit?"

Maybe I've been spoiled by living abroad. Maybe RCS is permanent. Maybe I will never quite fit in here, either. That's a heavy thought.

But on the other hand, I am big, loud, like to talk to strangers, and take up a lot of space. It is really really nice not to be the only one in the crowd with those attributes. It's nice to be able to chat with other mommies and children on the playground easily. It's nice to understand doctors, bank people, and other such folks with no mental effort.

It's nice to be home. (and may god strike me down if I move again within 5 years)

love and light,

kirsten