So invariably when I am meeting new mommies here in Portland, the subject of children's sleep comes up. Then I become a little uncomfortable and, although I know I shouldn't be, apologetic about our sleeping arrangements.

Mia and Maika both have their children's futons arranged in a line next to Naoto's and my adult futons in one room. I think that sounds very strange to U.S. people.

Co-sleeping in the U.S. I think has this association of children sleeping in their parent's bed and of codependence and not letting go.

Yet, Naoto's and my decision to co-sleep evolved naturally out of circumstances that included my laziness when Mia was born (it is 20 times easier to breastfeed an infant at night if all you have to do is wake up enough to put your breast in their mouth and then you can fall asleep before they finish) that continued as we moved to Japan (with limited apartment space) where modular futons and sleeping in the same place isn't only the norm, but it is considered "cold" and unsafe to put your babies in another room.

So it is funny to me that in the U.S. co-sleeping has this dangerous association to it. But then again, raised up beds, tons of bedding, and adults used to sleeping in the limited confines of beds (if you are half on and half off a futon on the tatami floor, it really doesn't matter as opposed to falling off a bed) might be a little more dangerous for kids. The modular nature of futons (you can put them next to eachother, or two in one corner and two in another, perpendicular, whatever) makes co-sleeping a little more manageable.

In Japan, sleeping with your kids is thought to be an expression of love and caring, as well as an accepted and natural part of the family intimacy. Many kids sleep with parents until the end of elementary school, or even longer. Sometimes this has to do with space issues, as most Japanese homes are more like what we think of as 2 or 1 bedroom condos.

So while I think co-sleeping is the right choice for our family, I often grapple with this strange sense of guilt or shame that I think stems from my U.S. cultural upbringing. I wonder if I am crippling my children's growing independence or holding them to tightly. Then another voice pipes in with the "they've been doing it in japan for hundreds of years", then the anti voice says "and yeah, look at the nation of mommy's boys that has resulted."

It's never simple, is it?