We Are The Change We Seek
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This isn't where I thought I was going to be when I looked forward into my life, but here I am....

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The Sound of Madness

Let me say that I don't honestly expect you guys to believe me, because after hearing this story I don't think I would believe you either.

The more I learn from about Eastern Medical Philosophy and the more I meditate the more I wonder how I could have lived so long this poorly.

I posted about getting sick already, so go read that if you haven't. I sat at home on Thursday, miserable with my Wind/Heat type "common cold" and began to wonder just where the hell I had gotten this cold from hell? It would not freakin go away, I had it for 5 days already!! *sigh* I figured if I wanted t avoid this in the future, I better figure out where I got it from in the first place so I could change my behavior.

I went through several scenarios until I landed upon the one which my instincts told me, "DING! That's the one." A little back story...

I've been cleaning out my apartment to get rid of a lot of things that held emotional attachments for me. Things it was time to let go of. So, I cleared out a bunch of stuff, gave bunches to Goodwill, to my sister, to friends, etc. What I was left with was very little other than total chaos because all of the things that were on shelves or in drawers were now strewn all over the floor. However, my daily life doesn't leave much time. Full-time job, part-time school, and rest-of-the-time relationship wasn't leave much time to take care of it. Several weeks passed and I hadn't made the time to fix it yet, it was horrible to walk into my place, I hated it. It was impossible to find any peace there because of how chaotic it was. All other plans would have to wait, I needed to set my shit in order. R and I went down to IKEA and I dropped a load of cash to get a bunch of new cool things. When I got home from IKEA is when my symptoms first arrived.

Essentially, I had been storing up frustration and badness about the apartment and not dealing with it. It built up so much that it was making me sick but I refused to let myself get sick because I had to take care of things. Then, once I had taken care of them... boom ... sick sets in.

This isn't all that strange. I know of lots of people who stress over stuff and when they finally get through it, their bodies give out. The weird part is what happened next. On Thursday afternoon when I made this realization...

I got better.


Within 30 minutes, my sinuses had cleared up, my headache was gone, my muscle aches were gone, my mind cleared. Just wooosh. Gone.

So.. I didn't have a cold. I was suffering symptoms similar to a cold that were the result of an internal imbalance. I don't have all the eastern organ knowledge to put a good description to it. Something with the Liver overacting on the Spleen, the Spleen generating Phlegm which is then being stored by the Lungs. You might want to describe it as purely psychological... whatever makes you happy. I no longer seperate phyiscal and psychological.

Now that I was feeling so much better, I was able to go to Philosophy class last night and I told my story to my teacher because I was very confused. When I got to the end, he got a big smile on his face and told me that I did a great job healing myself. He told me that a "superior doctor" (a phrase borrowed from ancient Chinese medical/philisophical texts) is able to "see" an illness in a person and can politely ask it to leave.. and it will.

I know... I know, it sounds totally ludicrous. I understand, it's ok if you think I'm a looney. As I said, I would think I was looney also. He said that the first step is healing my own organs. I have to see the problems with my own organs and then fix them. Once they are fixed and I am centered, healthy, or "enlightened" as he describes, then I'll be able to do the same for other people. Just be able to look at them, or listen to the sound of their voice, touch their skin, etc. and know what's wrong with them and be able to heal them.

He provided an example in class. We were talking about the Kidneys which control the ears and hearing in the Eastern perspective. He said when my Kidneys are healthy, I will be able to perfectly differentiate between the "5 sounds" that correspond to 5 Element theory. The 5 sounds are: laughing (heart), groaning (kidneys), crying (lungs), shouting (liver) and singing (spleen). He had everyone close their eyes except for the woman in the front row he chose as his example. We listened to them while they talked. He asked her about where she grew up, her parents, her sisters, her husband, important events in her life, etc. Then he asked us which of the 5 sounds we heard. I realized that I had heard several, the quality of her voice changed from topic to topic.. but overwhelmingly she had a very sad quality (crying) to her voice. He explained that when you hear that, you should look to the lungs for pathology. I remember Do Joo Nim doing this kind of thing. He could tell what was wrong with someone by looking at them or touching their hand.

No wonder we have so many stories of magical, superpowerful shaolin buddhist monks... with a healthy body, we can accomplish feats that the rest of us consider magical.

I think I'm kind of rambling at this point, but that's ok because I want all of these little events to stay with me in my journal.

So... next time I get sick. First line of defense is going to be knowledge and using my Shen to heal myself. The preferred ladder of therapies according to Dr Kim: 1) talking, 2) food, 3) acupuncture and herbs.

I know, I know... evil thetans.

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