I was sitting in Starbucks enjoying my pre-work breakfast and watching a nearby couple having coffee together. That's all they were doing: drinking coffee. Once, she talked on her cell phone. Mostly, they just sat.

(Dean Martin was singing. Three in a row. He's fun once in a while. That smarmy drunk thing that charmed the ladies and amused the men back when. I'll take Sammy D any day, cats.)

Not long-time-together sitting quietly. "Sometimes it's enough just to be with her." Not quite. More like uncomfortable-time-with-the-wife quiet. Not that the thrill is gone, or anything. They didn't seem angry. Just, you know, "what do I do now?" I sensed that there was no need for them to further the lineage at the moment so maybe they could go hunt and gather in separate places. That, at least for that moment, they had absolutely nothing in common and would be best served doing something different with someone else.

And then I thought, maybe a woman shouldn't expect anything more from her husband than being a lump. Maybe a man's thoughtfulness, sensitivity, tidiness and common interests are passing moments not to be taken seriously. Maybe those traits are just part of the human mating ritual, like dressing up on the first few dates. Women probably know this already: I went out to dinner with some friends. After the two women returned from the restroom, I asked them what women do together in the ladies room. "Talk about the guys at the table," she replied. Duh. Some things are just obvious to women, I guess.

So, women know men are dull and need to be coerced into showing some thought toward them. Men won't do anything very thoughtful without a special holiday like Valentine's Day or a birthday, or when coerced. That's the way it is and it's best to accept it and try to remain pleasant while getting the other to do what doesn't come naturally.

(Maybe that's why Dean Martin was so popular. The girls liked him because he was handsome, well-dressed, funny and maybe sensitive; that's why he drank so much. The guys liked him because he was a funny drunk.)

I know what you're thinking. "Why has it taken him so long to figure out something that every sitcom has been saying for 50 years?" What do you expect? I'm a lump.