The rain was beating on them as they rode high above the trees on the lightening-white horse. Thunder pealed through the skies as electricity lit up the night.
"Larry Picard! Hold up the Six Signs to keep the Dark from Rising! It is now at it's height and never more powerful!"
- WHAAAAT?
"The Six Signs, Larry Picard: hold them high so that you may stave off the Dark!"
- I'M SORRY! WHAT?
"The Signs! The Signs!"
- I'm sorry! I don't understand! I think it's my tinnitus!

Almost every year at this time, I read "The Dark Is Rising" by Susan Cooper. I love the story of young Will Stanton as he awakens on his 11th birthday to begin a new life as an Old One. Yesterday I was on the 2 Train riding to work from Men's Bible Study ("I'm sorry. What was Ruth's last name? I'm sure I read it here somewhere") reading away and putting myself in 11-year-old Will's place as he speeds across the sky to Hunter's Combe for Herne's Hunt just as all hell is breaking loose, when the above scene came to mind.

My version of Will's adventure definitely reveals a deep sense of inadequacy on my part. Lately, I've been explaining to people why I'm at Citi (instead of in Shrek, the Musical, like Dennis in the Choir who, because he created the role, will receive, like, 3 billion dollars every time a high school does a production, which will supplement his income from the new HBO hit series he'll probably star in, etc.):

"Have you ever sung on stage?" Yup.
"You should do voice overs!" Yup.
"You're so funny. Have you considered stand-up?" Yup.

I'm a big hit at 111 Wall Street, 19th Floor.

Etc.

So, I have this idea that I was born to mature into something that, due to some tragic flaw (mental illness?), I'm unable to attain. So, what else is new? Nothing. That's part of my point. I wish I could just get over it and be happy with Sam, my job, the girls and the condo. And I am. Most of the time. But, when I read about an 11-year-old who plays a major role in keeping the Universe from Eternal Darkness, I can't help but feel less than fulfilled.

"Larry: he's fiction."

I know, I know. I do my part. I spread the love and make people laugh and smile throughout the day. I help make Sam's life worth living. I have a strong community of friends who love me. But, I just can't help dreaming the impossible dream; for, I guess it's my quest to follow that star. The catch is that I'm Sancho Panza, not the tall, skinny geezer.