Something's happening on the internet that's affecting the amount of time men spend in the bathroom every morning: retro-shaving. Retro-shaving, as in contemporary shaving when my dad started shaving, then, if the enthusiast continues, shaving like when my grandfather was a boy. So, just as Facebook has expanded my time spent feeding the cats in the morning as I parcel out Maggie's small portions of food between checking friends' statuses and responding, of course and responding to the responses and checking to see if anyone has responded to my response responses, I'm taking time creating a lather in a cup with a brush, smoothing it on my face and scraping an instrument of death across my cheeks, chin and neck.

As I moved closer and closer to purchasing my first safety razor (Merkur), replacement blades (Feather), shaving brush (badger, of course), shaving soap (sandalwood) and after shave (non-alcoholic), I wondered why the hell I was doing this. One reason: Keith was doing it. Keith, as in "let's make a movie starring you!" YEA! "let's make another one!" HUZZAH! "I love my bicycle!" ME TOO! "Battlestar Galactica rocks" FRACKIN' A! "Shaving like they did in the old days is a challenge!" IT SURE IS!

Another reason was this guy. He's like the father who never taught me to shave. Just me and this guy in our t-shirts lathering up the perfect warm, foamy goodness. My own cherished father-son moments were spent going to Friendly's after my piano lesson and listening to the Springfield Symphony together (I still remember when that guy in front of me asked me to please stop tapping my foot). I love this guy's videos (he kind of resemble Sam). And I'm not alone; look at the number of hits he gets. He's loved by a brotherhood of retro-shavers around the world. My safety razor brotherhood and I shaving with, then across, then against the grain together, after we've thoroughly wet and washed our faces with hot water, of course.

And then there's the hobby aspect. When we think of "hobby" we think of something interesting, fun and frivolous to do. That's all true, but spending money is the primary motivation for taking up a hobby. It's nice to buy stuff you've never needed until now. And buy the best you can afford, then long to own the best there is. And discuss why it's the best with those of a like mind. Shaving is a good hobby because I must shave, so I get to touch my hobby tools every day. Every day except yesterday, that is.

My active participation in this hobby began last Saturday when I finally ordered my supplies and continued on Tuesday evening when I received my package in the mail. I somehow thought the box would be bigger. The shaving world I was about to explore felt like such a huge and dangerous place and the box of goodies totaled about $100, so shouldn't the box be about the same size as one that held the Tasmanian Devil?

I hear and read guys who claim that this is a cost-effective way to shave. Blades cost pennies apiece. Yeah, but what about that Best Badger and Briar Wood Handmade Shave Brush as well as the Chamomile and Aloe After-shave Balm? But, the waste is minimal and so much better for the environment, they explain. I know; that's always been a concern of yours. It's a hobby and a connection to other enthusiasts. And a manly way to groom yourself. No other reasons needed.

So, Wednesday morning was my first day using the safety razor ("Here are some alternatives to the Feather blades," Keith handed me a small dispenser with a few assorted blades (Derby, Merkur, Gillette). "Those Feathers are not for beginners.") Pay attention, don't push the blades, don't shave over parts you covered before, finish, rinse, lather, shave another way, rinse, lather, final pass. Done. I don't believe I've ever touched a baby's butt, but my face was probably as smooth as one. Clean and dry the brush, rinse the cup, store the shaver. Shower, apply the balm. Nice.

Thursday morning was head shaving day. Wednesday went so well, why not? The seven scabs on my scalp might give you an idea why not. You know, when you slash your scalp with your new safety razor, it doesn't really hurt. You just sense that you did it. The resultant blood confirms it. In the shower, it hurt. Eeeooowww. So, yesterday I took a break from shaving at all. Today, I'm back. All went well, save for a few minor tangles. I think, maybe, I'll keep the Mach3 for off-days and for my head and see how that goes.

I think this will work as long as I don't try to do it for a living.