School has been out for a week. I have learned the following from daytime TV:

• Paper plates can save your family, according to the most annoying commercial on daytime TV. It features a mother putting dishes in the dishwasher, while the husband and two kids play cards after dinner. The dishwashing machine is robbing quality time from the mom. Am I the only one old enough to get the irony here?
• The combined salaries of the players on the New York Mets disabled list is greater than the salaries of 10 smaller market major league teams.
• Mop Wars - there are at least three major brands of mops vying for your attention, when you aren't being dominated by your dishwashing machine.
• Teeth whitening strips - I apparently am the only American who have not tried any of these products. You can identify me by my natural-looking teeth.
• Billiards - broadcast live on ESPN!
• The ingredients for a successful soap opera include a hospital, waterfront, and at least one character who has "returned from the dead"

A week of migraines has kept me from reading or leaving the apartment. Let's hope next week is better.