There's only one way to leave Paris, and that's with a wine-induced headache. Add in apx. 90 lbs. of luggage. And one crazy French lady who dragged me down the street and shoved me on a bus, announcing to the entire busload that I was "Americaine" and the driver should throw me out at Gare du Nord. A lovely start to a 26-hour trip.

It gets better...

Literally, the second the pilot pressed Go, or floored the accelerator, or whatever it is that pilots do when at the top end of a runway and cleared for takeoff, a woman about six rows up from me began jamming her call button. Suddenly people began erupting out of their seats, and I was dead certain the plane was about to explode.

Turns out a man was having a seizure.

Here's an interesting fact: Pilots can't just abort a takeoff on a foreign runway. So we started climbing despite the flying oxygen tanks, panicking passengers, and the line that never gets said in real life being broadcast over the PA system: "Is there a doctor on board?"

Well, there's always a doctor in First Class. (As well as a PhD candidate, who decided his Dr. title gave him clearance to be in everyone's way). They laid the poor guy out in the aisle and built an impromptu ER scene around him.

15 min. out of Paris air space, Dr. Doctor made the call that the pilots should turn around. We landed back at Charles De Gaulle, and after the man was taken away by the Med-Evac, there was a two-hour period of refueling, restocking of oxygen tanks, etc.

Then a few passengers decided that, because of the ethnicity of the sick man, there might be a security issue. How a seizing (seizuring?) man is going to operate some sort of attack is beyond me. I realize people's nerves were on end, but jesus christ. Nice to know racial profiling happens even to the almost-dead.

Anywho, we finally made it to Boston. Of course we all missed our connections, so instead of enjoying my 26 hours in L.A., hitting up the list of highly recommended hamburger joints and enjoying the beach, I sat in a smoking room in an overcrowded Days Inn in Boston - another city I've never been to, always wanted to go to, but had no time to explore. And then had to pay $30 for a taxi back to the airport at 6am the next morning, since the free shuttle was overbooked.

At least I shared a cab with one of flight #5's pilots, Frenchy, who dished on the previous day's adventures. Could be worse - we could've been that Jet Blue flight that landed on a sideways wheel... but they probably got to use the emergency slides, which would've been a nice bonus.

Oh, Paris. I'll miss you...