I may lock this up in a little bit. I am struggling with the line between privacy and honesty.

But I've been honest with you all a lot in the past.

I've been struggling with fairly severe depression since last fall. It became much worse this last winter, and I was put on anti-depressants at the point I became almost non-functional. That I was able to get my application in for Clarion West was a miracle.

And then I went to Clarion West and the depression and several of my medical problems completely disappeared. (Like my upper back problems.) Perhaps unwisely, I went off my anti-depressants the first week. Initially because I forgot to take them, but then because I was curious as to whether or not I needed them.

And now I'm home and the depression has returned, as has my medical problems. I've gone back on my anti-depressants and am trying to pursue counseling, though that hasn't worked out so far. (Having a hard time finding a good counselor.)

But I know why I'm depressed. My marriage is not a good one, and hasn't been for a very long time. It's not a healthy place for me to be.

These are events and a situation that's incredibly influential in my life right now, but I don't know how to write about it. I'm not sure that I should for a public forum. But I wanted you all to know I haven't abandoned you. I love you all, and think of you all often.

I will still write about my experiences this summer at some point, but so much of what happened there is tied into what I'm dealing with now. The six weeks away gave me time to reflect, discover, and realize so many things. Right now I don't know how to write about all of that without writing about this.

I wish you all well.

-- EG.