i got a bad disease...up from my brain is where i bleed...
oh the chili peppers!

on this tuesday it snowed. i wore my special snow sweatshirt.

liz called me last night at 11:30. she was very upset. i can't write why because i swore to no end that i wouldn't tell, and i won't. i like when she turns to me for advice. but sometimes i don't know what to say, or i feel that what i say isn't good enough. i hardly got any sleep, but i guess it's ok.

sometimes i stop and think and go woa. ever since wednesday i have been walking around in a dreamlike state. sometimes things happen to me and i have to stop and think and make sure they're real. i'm afraid this will all end some day, all the happiness i feel right now, i never want it to end, i want to go on forever like this. when i wake up, i'm so happy, i've seriously never been happier. i just don't know...

and with that happiness comes the purple box, the thing me and jordan talked about doing, and i wonder, should i do it now? once it's gone it can never come back, and i don't want to regret it, but i'm scared at the same time. the fear, the pain i know will be there, my reputaion...but i want to, i'm like 70% sure this is right, but maybe i should save it for another day.

well...it's windy. gotta go