It's been a good solid month since I have been free from the shackles of high school, and I must say that I love it. Every day follows the same pattern: wake up late, fuck around, go to bed late. I consider work to be fucking around, because all I do is scan groceries. The guy I asked to hang out with blatantly ignores me, but I don't care because he can suck me off. And there have been several other guys to take his place in the past few weeks. Normally I would obstain from random hookups, but you know what, it's the summer, and while all my friends have been engaging in premarital sex I have been sitting there and doing nothing. Ed invited us to a small gathering of people who were consuming alcohol the other night. We all went swimming, and when he took off his shirt I just couldn't stop staring. His body was impeccable. I really just wanted to throw him down and make hot drunken love to him, but that would never happen because he Just Doesn't Like Me. Not only is he hot, but he is what I conisder to be a real man. This sleazy ked kept pulling me over to him, and Ed whispered to my friend that if things got out of hand he would not hesitate to kick the crap out of him. And he cut himself with a knife and we all gathered round to help him and he told us to go away because he hates pity. He is the biggest fucking tease ever. He is perfect in every way, yet he shows no sex drive or interest in it. Maybe he just thinks I'm gross, but goddammit, is it too much to ask just to make out ONE time? Whatever. The only good that can come out of this is that now I know how I want my future boyfriend to be. As the night was coming to a close and we were feeling the effects of the alcohol the inevitable making out process began. First we all gave each other massages. I got mine from this skinny unattractive kid but it felt damn good, and then he started kissing my neck and then at one point he started sucking on my earrings which were long and dangly. He kept doing it too, and it was kind of freaking me out so I finally asked why, to which he mumbled, " I like the jingling in my mouth." Needless to say I did not turn around and reciprocate the act. He kept wanting to go inside. No. I don't want you to touch me and I don't want to see your penis. Amanda got the hot guy, Jordan just sat there because she has a boyfriend, and no one got Ed because he is untouchable. The sleazy kid had left because he "wasn't getting any pussy." I always get the leftovers. I definitely could have landed that hot kid, but then as we were all talking about sex and I said I wasn't into casual sex I could see him literally back up a little. Oh well. I figure the longer I refrain from it the better it will be when the time comes. The idea of sleeping with someone you just met and who will probably fuck 80 other people really sceeves me out, and I don't care what people think about me. I'm probably not meant to be partying, but whatever, because you can have your STD's and hangovers.

I've got less than 3 weeks left. The 13th of August will mark the end of smoke filled diners and late night traipsing through abandoned buildings and heart felt conversations with familiar people. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But things will work themselves out and pretty soon I will have a Southern accent.