I'm probably going to pass out, so I'll make this short. I attended my first college party tonight at someone's house on campus. I drank some beer, talked to guys, and bonded with another Amanda. The cops came once for a noise complaint, and I was about to make a mad dash for the back door but everything turned out to be okay. Well into the night, a boy named Joey pulled out a plastic bag of pills and offered them to whoever was interested. This was all new to me. I had never done prescription drugs, and I didn't know if I should because I had a good buzz going, but there's no time like the present. So I took one. Then the cops came again, because the people upstairs are uber Christian and don't like fun. This time they weren't the campus police, but the real ones who can kick your ass. So me and some people headed for the back door. We went up this almost vertical hill, during which I lost my sandal and fell and started to bleed, but didn't feel it, and I still don't. I went back to this guy's dorm, and he said I should sleep there. I was hesitant, but I sat there for awhile and took another Vicodin. I'm fucking stupid. But I've never done this, and I have to do it so I can say I did. Then I knew I had to get back to my dorm. It was two in the morning, and they always told us never to walk alone, especially if you're a girl. But I had to, because I needed to be in my own room. So I made my way back through the park and into the dorm and up the elevator, and now I'm here, absorbing the first night of drunken, drugged stupor. I don't think I'll do this again anytime soon, because I don't want to get kicked out of school. Not on the third day.

Being on Vicodin was not like being high. Everything is happening normally,everything registers in your brain, but you're walking in this trance, like you're not even real, and you're so tired and just want to sleep. Everyone in my dorm is awake, and I feel like a loser trying to sleep. I wish I had someone to call who actually cared about me getting home safely. Besides my friends back at home, who can't do anything for me now. I know the girls in my dorm care about me. I just pictured a guy coming to my rescue and walking me back to my room and making sure I was ok. Maybe I am dillusional, but you never know, because guys down here are a lot nicer. They always wear collared shirts tucked into their khakis with these weird loafers. They shake your hand and ask about you and look you in the eye and make it seem like what you have to say means something. Not like the assholes back up north.

I wonder what it will be like when I start classes and I don't have all this free time. I don't think the party crowd is my type. I guess it's fun, but it's so god damn risky. I can't wait to meet people.

I am going to bed.