Each time I go out and enjoy a night of drinking I wake up telling myself that I will never do it again. It's not like I drink a lot, but I haven't done anything in a month, and it was Halloween, and there was a certain spark in the air that called for a night of stumbling and slurred speech. So we went to a party. I'm still not used to this newfound freedom. Back at home I never went to parties. And if I did drink, it was always such a hassle. Who would drive? Whose house would it be at? Were the parents home? How would I walk past my mother and fool her? But now, all I need to do is call a cab and I'm there. I fucking love it.

I went with all my friends. We drank quickly and left because the party was getting big and we didn't want to get busted. Even though I felt like shit this morning, even though I puked twice, I had so much fun. Just not caring about anything, being able to say what I want and not worry what everyone else was thinking, being able to run around the dorm at 2 in the morning and collapse and hug people for no reason was worth it all. The best part was when me and him finally settled down to go to bed. We all crashed in his room, and we were both on the futon, and he had his arm out so I would lie on it and he put his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder a bit and asked if I would be alright. He smelled wonderful, he has this cologne which drives me nuts. I felt so safe and warm with him. He was just holding onto me, and no one had ever done that before, and I honestly thought nothing could ever happen to me. I promised myself I would not like anyone here but I'm finding it very hard. I've never met anyone like him, ever. I hope we don't lose touch.

This morning I got up and went up to my room and threw up. I didn't want him to hear me gagging. I've spent the whole day eating and sitting around. I'm gonna go to the gym.