I'd be lying if I said I was not sad at all to be leaving on Tuesday. Although I'm anxious to get home, there's a subtle sadness in taking down my posters and pictures and watching my room mate stow away all her belongings into plastic containers. There are some people who are leaving and I will never see again, and others who will return next year but whom I will never know the same as I did before. Such is true for everyone on the 6th floor. We used to all be so close and now it's like we never even met. AVM is leaving forever, and I am really really going to miss him. He is the funniest boy I have ever met in my life and he makes me laugh like the way I do when I'm with my friends back home, the kind of laughing where your stomach is attacked by sharp stabbing pain and your eyes water and you can't breathe.

Sometimes I wonder if I am in love with Aaron or not. I trust him, we get along well together, I kind of want to have sex with him, he's a really good snuggler...but there's no click, no natural attraction, there isn't the indescribable feeling I know I should have if I were ever to be in love with someone. There's something about him which I can't like.

I wonder if the three months will lag on or disappear quickly into another year of South Carolina. I don't know what I am feeling. I want to go home but I don't want to. I want uncompromising freedom but I want to be able to ask my mom for money and use the car and not have to worry about everything. I'm always tired here. I always feel under stress. I can never trust anyone and I am tired of cafeteria food. Yet once I get back I know I'll miss it. I don't know. I need a shower.