This list is not the product of a woman scorned. I'm not mad at the male population...I just have nothing to do and after bearing witness to the relationships of my friends and ruminating over my own, I have created this list. Most of these are based on personal experiences. Feel free to agree with me, hate me, or do whatever.


1. Does not go to college. The guys I have encountered who are not in school have for the most part been lazy, miserable, and unmotivated. They have a job working at a grocery store and, even though they complain endlessly about the monotony of it all, they are unwilling to enroll in college courses to better themselves. They usually go for younger girls because women their own age would not tolerate their idleness and although they appear witty and charismatic at first, the unsuspecting female soon learns that this guy will be slicing deli meats for the next fifty years.
2.Does not have a job or car. Void if in college, as schoolwork and financial situations do not always allow for transportation and schoolwork should be first priority. At some point a guy needs to have a source of income and a girl should never have to chauffeur a guy around unless he has been involved in a car accident or there is some other reasonable circumstance.
3. Has been engaged at a young age. Weird. These kinds of guys are usually more than willing to jump into a serious relationship without taking time to really get to know the other person. They have some sort of agenda they need to accomplish by a certain point in their lives and oftentimes getting married and having kids is first in their list.
4.Conversely, has had an extremely large number of girlfriends. Manwhores are never good either.
5.Talks about a particular ex girlfriend all the time. This annoying and rude. It goes for girls too. If you are with someone the least you can do is refrain from talking about past relationships. If you're not over someone then you shouldn't be involved with another person. This one really bothers me. It's very demeaning to have just made out with someone and then have them go on about some girl they are madly in love with. Thanks a lot, pal.
6. Uses the following lines:
"I'm just looking for the right girl." Usually used by type of guy mentioned in #3. EVERYONE is looking for the right girl, you don't need to come out and say it. Oh gee, I actually thought you were looking for someone who was completely incompatible with you in every way possible.
"I'm a hopeless romantic." No you're not. Going to CVS and buying discounted chocolates does not make you a hopeless romantic. Guys seem to think if they use this drivel it will soften a girl's heart into the putty he so desires it to be.
"When we finally have sex it will be so great because there will be emotions behind it." Translation: "If we don't screw within the next two weeks I'm dumping your ass."
"I want to get married within the next year." See #3.
"I enjoyed The Notebook." No. You. Didn't. You enjoy watching football, drinking beer and scratching your crotch, which is fine until you start acting like you don't and think that if you pretend to like some sappy romantic trainwreck a girl will see you as a compassionate warm human being...and want to sleep with you.
7. Is an army fanatic. Don't get me wrong. I support our troops and deeply respect the men and women who sacrifice their lives to serve our country. And yes, the boy for whom I have feelings was just sent away to basic and I care about him and all that good stuff, so this doesn't apply to all men but sometimes they go into the army and come out a little crazed.
8. Never seems to have anything else to do besides call, email, and text message. Communication is great, but when the guy never seems to be doing anything besides frivolously pounding away on a cell phone to see how your trip to the bank was it's time to suggest he join some clubs.
9.Tells you his life story within three hours of meeting him. In my psychology class we learned that it takes between four and six years for couples to be comfortable enough with one another to share their innermost secrets. So when a guy starts talking about everyone in his family who has died within the past ten years and brings up his abusive parents and you don't even know his last name, either he's really, really trusting of you or he's hoping you'll take him in his arms, tell him it's alright...and then sleep with him.

I could probably think of some more but I believe in karma and if I keep insulting the creatures which have brought so much confusion yet cologne masked pleasure into my life, God will surely punish me. How I love a good cologne.