I used to love my room. The sunlight always danced across the walls and splashed through the curtains, giving it a pink hue. Stuffed animals lived in perfect harmony on top of my bed while toys, markers, and stickers waited patiently for my attention. I loved my yard and I loved the street, even the rocks on which I used to skin my knees. I used to be so glad to be here, yet now when I pull into the driveway after five months of college a weary "Is this it?" skates around in my mind with unsatisfying permanence. They knocked down my old school, they replaced the wooden playground with politically correct colorful plastic, they changed some speed limits and added new rules. Where am I? Is this really where I grew up? All of my friends have changed. I never expected us to remain as we were in high school, but wow, after two years I feel as though I hardly know anyone. I've always considered myself able to deal with change; after all, I went 700 miles away for school and created a new life for myself down there. Yet I always assumed things would be just as I left them when I returned home--our jokes would be the same, sitting at the diner for hours would never get old, we'd all be able to stay out late on warm summer nights and deal with the mosquito bites the next day. My friends have jobs now. Real ones, where they wake up in the morning. Some of them are in the army. One is going to Korea for a year, another moved away for good. I love school and I love what I have accomplished yet watching all this change profoundly saddens me. It's as though something very basic and necessary is being ripped from inside. I never though watching people move on with their lives would ever really effect me, I thought I'd just ease into being a full blown adult and that would be that. Why am I so upset? No one else seems to be bothered by the fact that we can't really sit around like we used to without someone needing to fill other obligations. When I graduated high school I promised to never let myself drift away from my best friends but now I have come to realize that maybe drifting away is just inevitable. I feel whiny and immature. I can't stand when people can't get over things, yet here I am wishing I could rewind a little bit. Last summer was so much different. We were all together, back from our first year of college yet not disconnected. We'd all hang out and not worry about anything. Now not so much. I'm worried about making enough money so I can study abroad and live near school next year. I can't come back here next summer. I can only scan groceries and hang out at the diner before it becomes old news and I am afraid I am overstaying my welcome. This town represents the life my parents gave to me but now it's my responsibility to define the rest. I had it good here, but I guess I can have it good somewhere else.