The two of them were sitting on his porch. Mosquitoes were in full force, mauling any exposed flesh they could find. The citronella candles were doing no good but at least they were hiding her imperfections, making her hair less frizzy and her frame look slimmer. She had done her best to rid her thoughts of him while she was at school. She had a boyfriend now, one who called every night and always paid for dinner. But her boyfriend was seven hundred miles away and here in front of her was the guilty pleasure who was shipping off to Korea in a week. He was in his army uniform and she found she could not resist the way his last name was so authoritatively stitched onto his firm breast. Her boyfriend did not have a thick neck and shapely arms. He did not have a booming voice.

He was looking at her now, wondering if she wanted to come inside. It was getting late and the grocery store would be needing her tomorrow but suddenly she knew why people became unfaithful in relationships. There was nothing missing in her present one but the soldier was the unfinished business she had tried so hard to forget and had done so until he was there in front of her again, his tanned flesh smelling gently of body wash. So she decided nobody would ever have to know. If things got too far she'd put a stop to it. She was in complete control.

He stood up slowly and she followed him. He took her hand and led her inside, down the stairs of the basement and into his room. During the winter this room had always been freezing but she had loved to come down here all the same. There had been nothing to lose. Now it was different. If he ever finds out, she thought, I will never forgive myself.

They laid down together, his arm around her waist, her eyes fixed on the dark blue walls. She felt horrible. She also felt wonderful. After months of not seeing or talking to the soldier she inexplicably was so at home in his arms. They fit around her like they were meant to be there. He knew about the boyfriend. He asked her what he was like and she hesitated as she spoke. He's nice. He's caring. He's taking me on vacation. Then came the next question. Do you love him?

No. The answer was no, but she didn't say that. She could never tell him this. Instead she simply stuck with a safe I Don't Know. Yes you do, he said. You always know if you love someone.

He was right. You always know if you love someone, at least she always did. She did not love her boyfriend, but she loved the person who was lying beside her right now with his arm around her and his mouth resting on her neck so she could feel his hot breath as he spoke. If he would have asked her to drop out of school and move to Korea with him while he was stationed there she would have done it. She was that stupid.

Then she asked him if he had slept with anyone else after her. He was silent. Who was it? What was her name? When? Was she drunk? I don't want to tell you, he said, but she wanted to know. She had to know. Tomorrow she would find her picture online and see if she was prettier or thinner. She had better not be.

He finally told her. It had been at a party. They both had been drunk and he had been desperate because he hadn't slept with anyone since before he left for basic training. She had a boyfriend but pretended she didn't for an hour to accommodate the soldier. For him sex was insignificant. It meant nothing and that's why she knew there could never be anything more between the two of them besides late night rendezvous in his basement. He was moral free, responsible for nothing, obligated to no one and she remembered why she had ruled him out in the first place. Because he was an asshole; a very attractive, smooth-talking asshole. Her boyfriend would never sleep with a girl just because. He always treated her with the utmost respect and consideration. He wanted to see her happy. What did the soldier want? Sex, beer, and chicken wings.

The soldier went to kiss her but she pulled away. She remembered it all now. She remembered the night he took her into his room and told her he loved her. It might have been a lie or he could have told her the truth but it didn't matter now. She had to do the right thing, even if it was the hardest.

She got up. The hours were rolling into sunrise and he was beginning to fall asleep. His mouth was slightly open, his shirt was off, he smelled good, and she would never have him. Men are not to be fixed, and because he would never be how she wanted it was time to let him go.