Is it possible for a homosexual male to be so ashamed of his sexuality that he engages in as much "manly" behavior as he can in an attempt convince others he is not gay?

I don't have a problem with gay people. This post concerns a boy in my graduating class whose sexuality has sparked some speculation in my mind. Why do I care if he's gay? Because it could be the reason I hate him so much.

Let's rewind back to middle school when we were all awkward gangly tweens, plagued with bad hair, pimples and braces. The subject of this post showed no mercy towards those who were a rung or two lower on the social ladder. He was mean. Not just mean, but cruel, cold, and without compassion. Lots of middle-schoolers are mean, but there was something special about him, like his soul had left and all that remained was a rotten, hate-filled oozing sore of a personality. In high school he was on the football team, the baseball team and the basketball team. He drank beer and dated only the most attractive girls. He spiked his hair just so, whitened his teeth just right and worked out just enough for his biceps to peek out from underneath his button-up shirts. He even wore a white tuxedo to prom.

Lots of guys work out and wear nice clothes. Lots of guys have attractive girlfriends. Yet the Alpha Male was just not quite right. There was something about him which was off, like he was lying to everyone. Like he had a script telling him how to be masculine which he had committed to memory, eagerly following its every dictation. He was a big, shiny liar.

I first stumbled upon this hypothesis when I was sitting next to him during homeroom three years ago as he was talking about how big his muscles were. He used to taunt me every day in middle school until I ran to the guidance counselor and cried about it. Maybe he's gay, I thought. It just popped into my mind like the answer to a math test which had been feared to be forgotten. Maybe that's why he is so mean. Maybe that's why he plays football and not tennis, drinks beer and not wine, or wears T-shirts and not sweaters. Maybe he is just trying to convince everyone.

He went to a big state school and so did I. I'm 800 miles away from him, but thanks to the Internet I had the privilege of viewing some photos he had posted. My theory resurfaced. In almost every picture his arm was slung around a fellow frat brother. His shirt was unbuttoned, his hair was spiked just right, the teeth just so, the muscles just big enough...I knew I had to be right. Maybe it's just wishful thinking but God dammit, the boy looked queer as hell and I'm not the only one who thinks so. It all makes so much sense. What could have caused him to be such a terrible person? He was smart, physically attractive, athletic, popular. Could it be there was something he was keeping from everyone, something so shocking that no one could ever learn about it? What better way to cover up homosexuality than by going to a state school, drinking beer with your frat buddies and attending football games? Throw in a few girls here and there and poof, nobody knows. I'm not in any way implying that guys who join fraternities and go to sporting events are gay. There's just something about this guy, this all-American hot-dog-and-apple-pie guy which is ever so slightly out of place. Have you ever met someone so perfect you just know there's a big, ugly secret in the closet?