Two days ago as I clicked feverishly from one website to another trying to secure an internship, I had an overdue but necessary realization: I hate my major.

I've hated it for quite some time but have kept my secret loathing tucked away in the closet, afraid of what might happen should I acknowledge my feelings. After all, I had already told myself I was too stupid to pursue a medical career, the field which I truly love. Shame on me for thinking that way. I'm not too stupid for anything and neither is anyone else. Everyone deserves to be happy and I have grown tired of sitting in class pretending I give a damn about logo design and persuasive advertisements because I absolutely do not. Every time I come across a job offer it's the same unappealing description: advertising, marketing, contacting businesses, blah blah. I hate advertising. I hate marketing. I hate those huge companies whose marriage to the almighty dollar influences all decisions. I have decided that if I don't take action now I'll just remain miserable for another ten years or so until I quit my job in a rage and then it'll really be too late.

I am picking up a minor in communications sciences and disorders which will train me to become a speech pathologist. I'll learn how the brain processes speech, how disorders like dementia, Alzheimer's, strokes and accidents affect speech, and I'll learn to read a brain scan and work with medical equipment, which to me is much more desirable than sitting in front of a computer clicking senselessly in photoshop trying to create something unique. Some people are really good at designing and that's great for them, but I just can't be a part of this lie anymore where I supposedly graduate in a year and go on to design magazine covers and ads and update silly little websites. I'd rather go to med school than stay at my current job stuffing letter after letter into envelopes. I can't stand the subjectivity of my major either. I realize that life really is about who you know, but there's only so much ass kissing you can do when your career depends on a degree which requires studying and hard work. I'm all about studying and hard work, not making nice to some CEO so he'll let me sit at a shiny desk and answer the phones.

I feel like I have come out of the closet, like there is this big wave of relief washing over me now that I have come to terms with myself. I feel somewhat stupid for "wasting" my college career and not figuring out what I wanted to do sooner, but it's better now than later and I'd like to hope that everything happens for a reason. I've always loved the medical field and I've always assumed I wasn't smart enough to do it--why, I don't know. Perhaps it's because I could not envision my short curly self sitting in a class with future doctors, training to be a speech pathologist. My psych teacher asked why I didn't want to be a doctor, and I said I didn't trust myself with people's lives. She said that's what they train you for, and that I should just go for it. She was so right.