Now, don't get me wrong, I love the south. I've been here for almost four years attending college and I've come to appreciate the different lifestyle. But deep down inside I'm still a Jersey girl and tonight the beast was unleashed.

Between going to advisement, class, the gym, buying props for my next photography assignment and attending a meeting, I spent a total of ten hours on campus today. When I got home I watched some TV and decided to go to bed early, thinking I would get a good night's sleep which would prepare me for tomorrow which was looking to be another busy day as well. I opened my window a crack to let the fresh air in, rolled over and pursued R.E.M.

I'd been asleep for around half an hour when I started hearing shrill laughter; you know, the kind only a 90-pound sorority girl can make. It's just some skanks getting dropped off, I thought. No. The laughter increased. There was screaming. I was confused--was I at a sporting event in Europe? I got up and looked out my window, and to my surprise, twenty or so people were directly across the street on the grass, throwing paper plates full of paint on and at each other. They were running around the parking lot and lawn tackling one another, all the while photographing the entire event so they could make a precious little Facebook album about it. I was livid for two reasons. First of all, whoever commits the mortal sin of prodding me out of slumber should be prepared to face the wrath of God. Second of all, just who in the fuck do these assclowns think they are? It's midnight, for crying out loud! So I went down there. An SUV was parked in the middle of the street with some frat boys inside. I knocked on the window. "What exactly are you guys doing?" I hissed. The shaggy-haired douche replied, "Throwing paint on each other." So I asked him if this was for a sorority and he said it wasn't, and then I asked if people were just out at midnight throwing paint around for no reason to which he replied, "That's what they are doing, yes." I went back inside and called the police. My apartment boasts that there is an officer on site at all times. This is a lie. Twenty minutes later, he still hadn't shown up and I decided to sleep at a friend's house.

On my way to the car, I noticed that plastic bags and cups had been left all over the lawn. Then, a flash of light. Was it a cop car? No, even better. It was two girls taking pictures. They were the only ones left; everyone else had driven away.

I came up to them and asked if they lived here. They didn't. They were having a paint party just for fun. When I informed them that I had awoken because of their loud cunty voices, they just smiled and looked away. Then I said that they had left trash on the lawn and since they didn't live here it was pretty low to be littering here and they swore to me that they'd pick up later. Of course you will, you bunch of twats. I'm sorry that I have this thing called class tomorrow which requires me to sleep at night. Excuse me for being a wet mop who goes to bed at midnight. How dare I intrude on your precious little paint party! What a bunch of free-spirited college kids you all are, traveling to an apartment complex that YOU DON'T FUCKING LIVE IN and shrieking to your chlamydia-friendly boy of the week as he throws red paint all over your Ugg boots. Gosh, why can't I live life to the fullest like these happy souls! What innate mechanism do I lack that disallows me to see the thrill in running around a parking lot at midnight where people are sleeping, tackling my drinking buddies and designating the fat girl to take picture after picture of us jumping in midair in an attempt to trick people into thinking that the shot where we're all covered in paint and all our feet are off the ground is candid? EXCUSE ME for not sucking ten dicks a day because I do this thing called going to class. I'm such a prude who doesn't know how to have fun, and I should live life to the fullest because like you know, your life could totally end like at any given moment and if you're not out causing a ruckus in the middle of the night you'll sooo totally regret it later!!!

Did you ever want to rip someone's head off and feed it to a piranha? When I was talking to that little blonde slut about what the hell she was doing in front of my apartment, I could have taken her and her paint-splatted clothes and dangled her over an interstate. I hate people SO MUCH sometimes, and I really hate these fucking southerners with their fucking accents trying to be all CUTE AND/OR SPONTANEOUS when I AM TRYING TO SLEEP. If you want to be spur of the moment, ask your boyfriend to go on your face. Don't trek to a place where you don't even live and disturb people there. I hope they all rot in hell.