Yesterday I told my boyfriend that I loved him and that I had never felt that way about anyone before.

It felt like summer camp, when I would finally muster up the courage to climb the steps of the high dive. Saying those words was like the uneasy ticklish feeling that consumed by body when I jumped off and landed into the murky water.

Fully aware that those words could very well alienate him, I said them anyway, because it was about time he knew how I felt. I'm not a sap. I don't like romantic comedies. I've never even seen The Notebook. But for some reason I was compelled to tell him, because it was one of those nights and I had been drinking. And also because I am vulnerable. I told him that. I told him to please excuse my sometimes erratic behavior because this is all new to me and I'm very afraid of getting hurt. I don't quite know how to handle myself.

He caught me looking at his Facebook. It's not that I don't trust him, I just want to see what his ex girlfriend looks like. Not because I think he's not over her, not because I think she's a threat. Just because I'm CURIOUS. Just to see what clothes she wears, what her major is, what she's like. I just wanted to see. I don't think I'm insecure; it's almost like some sort of sleuthing sixth sense has been aroused since I secured a boyfriend. I wish I could be one of those girls who is cool with everything, but I'm can't be and I'm sorry.