Isn't it cute when guys lie and think you can't see through their smokescreen of deception? Now, I know everyone drops an untruth here and there, but some lies should be considered a red flag of douchedom.

1. "I'm not like my fraternity brothers."

For a brief period of three weeks I dated a guy who happened to be in a fraternity after swearing off all contact with fraternity brothers after a bad experience my freshman year in college. Besides, this guy was different. He wasn't into partying anymore. In fact, he even wanted to drop out of the fraternity and focus on his studies. How noble. Oh, but wait. There he is funneling beer. And texting his ex-girlfriend. Oops, he slept through English for the fourth time this week. Such a changed man indeed.

2. "Looks don't matter to me."

Bullshit. Looks matter to everyone, plain and simple. What is considered attractive varies from person to person, but no one would date someone they were not physically attracted to, so any guy who feeds a girl this whole Mother Theresa spiel about personality is trying to get laid. Furthermore, this statement is condescending. It's like saying, "Hey. You're kinda not really hot at all, but it's all pink on the inside, right?

3. "I'm not like other guys."

Along the same lines as #1. I believe that anyone who feels he must verbally express what a catch he is lacks severely in other areas. If you're really a great person with a wonderful personality and sense of humor, your actions will speak louder than any ambiguous statement about not being like the rest.

4. "My ex was a pycho."

Hmm, isn't funny how every guy seems to have a clinically insane ex-girlfriend? Poor men. Poor cheating, lying, emotionally unavailable things. Don't you just hate when your girlfriend goes apeshit after you tell her you slept with her coworker? Why can't she just be cool with it? It's no big deal. It was just one time and it meant nothing! I can't believe she yelled and cried over it. Sheesh.

5. "I like when women make the first move."

No. Wrong. Men do not like when women make the first move. In theory, men would like if an adult actress popped out of the computer screen, caressed her inflated chest against his and talked dirty, but for every other normal earthly woman, this does not apply. Unless you are Angelina Jolie, guys do not want you to make the first move. Guys want to chase you and win you over like a lion tackles a gazelle. If a guy doesn't call you, it's because he's not interested. The end.

To be clear, I love men, and my current boyfriend has steered clear of these doozies.