Rally 'round the flag, boys. This is a story of rampant consumerism.

One of the abiding tenets of capitalism is competition. Competition, it is said, means that better products will continually be developed, and the consumer will benefit because the cost will drop.

Alas and alack, in the digital world it all turns out to be . . . well, horse puckey. In the digital world, for some reason, you can see the advantages to cooperation, and standards.

Take, for example, the lowly MP3 player. I've been trying to download my latest podcasts to mine. For one thing, the process isn't seamless; I have to download the podcasts, go find them, then erase the current content of my MP3 player, then put the new stuff on it. So I was trying to do this tonight . . . and ran into the first snag: I can't remember where my download program (iPodder) stores the downloaded MP3s. So I searched and searched, and while I was searching, I ran into the second snag: the battery in my MP3 player died. I am reminded that my player uses rechargeable AA batteries at the rate of one an hour, if I'm trying to power the player in the car and using the device that allows MP3s to be played through the car radio. So if I want to listen to MP3s on the way to work and back, I have to charge the batteries every night, and remember to take a spare. (Of course, maybe I should just put the headphones on . . . I could use just one of them so I could still hear emergency vehicles, if necessary . . . and if I put the headphones on before I put on my seatbelt there'd be no conflict . . . )

Of course, there's a consumer solution here. It's completely unpalatable to the Apple-hater I live with (who can be worn down, let's face it) - but I do have to confess, there's something to be said for a product that generates all sorts of useful peripherals, such as a cable that will plug into the cigarette lighter in the car, charge the MP3 player, and power the transmitter that lets you play the device through the car speakers. And speakers that could sit in my office, with the player hooked to them.

So I'm thinking of angling for a Nano for my birthday (which is on the 7th, if you feel inclined to send an e-card). (Hint, hint.) (I am nothing if not childish when it comes to my birthday.)

But I'm thinking, this is just too much in the way of conspicuous consumption. My MP3 player works fine. It has limitations, but are they serious enough to warrant the expenditure necessary to get a Nano? I don't really use my MP3 player in the car all that much; I mostly use it when I lie in the sun at the pool, and it's fine for that circumstance. If I got a Nano, I'd like it, no doubt . . . but maybe I'd like that money better if it were put in the savings account. (Doubtful. Sorry, Uncle Gene. I wish I were better than I am.)

I dunno. It's a funny situation, thinking about what I want for my birthday. On the one hand, I think that I don't really want anything, truth be told . . . at least nothing of a material nature. But on the other hand, I really do want a Nano . . . not because of what it does, exactly, but because of what it is. Somehow I think I'll feel cheated if I don't get or do Something Cool for my birthday.

But on the other hand, the Something Cool Imperative makes me feel like a capitalist pawn . . . I'm being handled. Madison Avenue is handling me, and I'm turning to putty.

Stay tuned. Let's see how the birthday turns out . . .