Last night I had a really interesting dream with my dad in it. I was in a Harley Davidson Chopper Shop working on a motorcycle. Dad would come in every so often and drop a hint. I remember that I was a bit confused because I don't really know anything about motorcycles and also thought that it was weird that my dad was working as a mechanic in the chop shop. But then it started to dawn on me, in that all too familiar way that my dad wasn't of this world anymore.

But when I awoke from the dream, I got kinda pissed off. Because although it seemed strange to me in the dream that my dad was working on Harley Davidsons, it seemed less strange to me in my post dream 3:00 haze. In my dream, dad seemed really at ease in his shop. When I had a question, he came over and instructed me to put such and such over the such and such on the bike. I did it, because the expert biker told me to.

And then I started getting mad. It seemed that if my dad had taken a job like that, he would still be around. I know that there are a lot of factors that went into my dad's passing, but I think that HALO Marketing can kiss my ass. Pardon my bluntness, but that damn company hired my dad to do their shit work for them. They are just a big corporation that doesn't care about the well being of the people they hire. Basically, my dad who had a heart of gold, was hired to go around the country firing people as part of HALO's downsizing efforts were taking place. In what should have been the job of a 25 year old, recently hired Business Consultant, my dad had to travel around the country, putting in long hours, eating what he could wherever he could, whenever he could, whether that be Denny's, Chili's or wherever. And then when HALO was all through with him, they canned him. The canned him, gave him a severence, and sent him packing. Thanks for doing our hatchet work, now fuck off. Good luck finding a job.

I kid myself to think that if my dad had just stuck around Grotte Advertising, he'd be riding his motorcycle right now as I write this. I realize that by my dad taking that job, he was doing his best to do what was best financially for his family. But god damnit, if HALO hadn't jacked him around, maybe he would have been just your basic employee with your basic benefits including medical. I like to think that if he had just stuck to his nice, well paying job at Grotte, he would have caught his cholesterol before it caught him.

I like to think this, but I of course don't know what would have happened. It just re-enforces my belief that we all have choices to make, and we have to live with those choices that we make or don't make. But the shitty thing is, is that everyone else has to live with those choices that we make. That's just the way it goes I guess. Life's a bitch sometimes.

matt out