Some of the strangest rules on the face of the earth take place at pools. Rules that make the most sense sitting her writing this post, do not apply once you walk through the doorway of your neighborhood pool.

For example, the rules about running are probably the most contradictory. The number one sin that everyone gets roasted at a pool for is running. Kids who go swimming at the pool tend to have all of their hyper juices flowing. Chances are, they've gulped down about 3 cans of Big Red soda and are now using the pool as their outlet to get all of their energy out. So when a kid is playing games in the pool with his friends, sometimes the rules of these games dictate that at least one kid get out of the pool and enter the pool at a different location. Like if I'm playing Marco Polo, and a kid is getting dangerously close to picking me out of the water, I may feel the need to bend the rules a little bit by sneaking out of the water, running over to another location further away from Marco, and sliding back in.

But for some reason, civic leaders across the country have deemed that running at a pool is the number one crime. Why? Isn't running a safer thing to do than swimming itself? Most pools have really well designed concrete sidewalks that stretch all the way around a pool. And this isn't that cheap, slick sidewalk either. This is the type of sidewalk that has rough textures to it so that there is no slippage of tiny feet on it. You could pour motor oil on this type of sidewalk and little to nothing would happen to you if you decided to trek across it. I can understand not wanting kids to break out in an all out sprint around the pool. Having too many kids dart around the pool would be like trying to ranch roosters into the bin at night. It'd be mass chaos on a level never seen before.

So why no running? Running comes more natural to most kids than swimming does. So since running is outlawed, kids have to instead break out in these really awkward, stiff legged trots around the pool. It looks a part run, a part walk, and a part I just shit my pants type of gallop.

But to say that there is no running at a pool is misleading. Lifeguards don't look down on all types of running at a pool. Oh no. They do let you run on probably the one place you should not be running in the first place. That place? The diving board. So while you can't run on the rough concrete or the grass around the pool, you're more than welcome to run all over that diving board if your heart so desires. If you so choose, you can run right off the end. That not fun enough for you? Go ahead and run, do a flip, and land on your back in the water. Make sure and knock as much air out of you as you can.

So there is no running around a pool, but you can sure do it on and off a diving board. When that gets boring make sure you and your buddies do a little breath exercising underwater. What would a pool be without a little "I can hold my breath for 2 minutes underwater" types of exercises? So we don't allow running because someone may trip and skin their knee, but we allow kids to cheat death by holding their breath as they sink to the bottom of the pool? Lifeguards must be the most calm and collected people on the face of the earth.

One time, I vividly remember about 8 or 9 of my friends attempting to have a carbon-dioxide head rush, breathing contest. There are two methods that breath holders can employ. They can sink to the bottom and sit there, watching the sites. Or they can go belly down, back up. This has to be a little more nerve wracking for the lifeguards because it gives the appearance of dead bodies floating in the water. I think my friends and I chose the latter. So there were about 9 of us, floating on our bellies, with our arms and legs floating idly by our sides. It must have appeared to be some kind of massacre at the pool that day if someone had taken a picture at that very time. It is indeed a test of wills to see who can indeed last the longest without a fresh breath of air. I can usually last about 5 seconds past the point where I start hallucinating.

So there is no running, except on the board, and breath holding contests. What else might not seem to add up in this picture? Might it be the games that we are allowed to play at the pool? Every played "Sharks and Minnows?" The basic premise of "Sharks and Minnows" is that there is one person (the shark) in the deep end of the pool treading water, while about 5-10 of the (Minnows) stand on the side of the pool. The shark in the middle will yell out, "Shark in the water," which will cue all of the Minnows to jump in. The main objective if you're a Minnow is to swim to the other side of the pool unmolested by the shark. The main objective of the shark is to touch or grab any part of the Minnow's body. Get touched, and you're a shark now. But what usually happens is that about 8 kids will jump in, and kick and push the other kids so that they get "eaten" by the shark. It's the life story played out in a pool. The weakest get eaten up righ alongside the ones who get cheated, while the ones who cheat always get ahead.

But not all of the Minnows jump in at once. My strategy was to wait until nearly everyone's jumped in and the shark is in pursuit of them, before I make my move. And then I'd dive in, swim down 15 feet to the bottom of the pool, and hold my breath as I swam to the other side. I always knew that playing the trombone would pay off somehow. Sharks and Minnows was my outlet.