Okay...I mainly wrote this as an exercise for myself. I wasn't going to post this. I disabled the comments section from my site because someone keeps anonymously posting. But not 2 seconds after I re-enabled the comments section, someone code-named ** posted something else. So the proverbial gloves are off.

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I don't like posting stuff like this for public consumption, but since some people that I know have made this a public issue instead of coming to me directly, I'll respond accordingly. If you should so choose to skip this, than so be it.

Where to begin...

I'll begin by saying that I will not post any names about who I'm speaking about specifically. If the shoe fits, hope you can wear it comfortably. You will know if this pertains to you or not.

First off, it saddens me beyond words (literally) that after all we've been through, you would think so little of me. I thought that all after all of our years together, you would know me better than the way that you're portraying me. I pride myself on my writing skills, but I literally cannot find the words to describe how hurt I am, that you would think SO low of me.

This is almost too big and too emotional to write, so I'll take it issue for issue:

Apparently, there is a sect of people who for some reason oblivious to me or Anya, feel the need to discuss the ins and outs of our relationship. This is most mind boggling to me. I find it completely childish and dramatic, that people would feel the need to sit down and dissect the ins and outs of our relationship. Is your life SO boring that you think that it's acceptable adult behavior to discuss our relationship? Anya and I will be the first to tell you that we have had our problems. Anya and I will be the first to tell you that at times, we still have those problems. And Anya and I will tell you we are CONSTANTLY working on our problems. That's what an adult relationship is right? Although that wasn't the pattern for a long time, Anya and I have come to realize that the healthy part of a relationship is discussing issues as they happen (or VERY shortly thereafter), and working them out. We've learned the hard way I think, but we've learned nonetheless. And since our little break that we had a couple months ago, we have improved leaps and bounds on our communication. For once, I feel like we have made that jump from high school relationship where we don't discuss what's bothering us, to an adult relationship where we hash out our differences.

But it still boggles the mind that there are people out there, who examine every single aspect of our relationship down to the last dotted i, and the last crossed t. It's mind boggling in the highest degree of that a mind can be boggled.

second issue:

There is an apparent belief from this group of people that I am purposely trying to exclude Anya from the activities of my life. I don't buy that.

I don't, and refuse, to prescribe to the belief that a couple needs to spend every waking minute and every planned activity together. My father didn't prescribe to this belief. He had his set of friends, Karen had hers. My mother doesn't prescribe to this belief. She has her own set of friends, my Aunt Sherry has hers.

There are events that I go to, where I'd like to just be on my own. I have always believed that at times, I function on a different level when I am doing things solo, and when I am with a significant other.

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So since this group of people has chosen to dissect every instance where I've either invited Anya or not invited Anya to an event, while refusing to speak with me specifically about said instances, let me provide a run-down below.

-The Vagina Monologues after party. First off, I DID call Anya and invite her to the party. From what I could tell, it didn't sound like she wanted to come out to the party. So she didn't come. I didn't specifically tell her to stay home. I asked if she'd like to come out to the party. As judging from our conversation, it didn't sound like she wanted to come. So she stayed home. Anya and I have spoken about this MANY times, what business of yours is it?

-Benefit Shows. The vast majority of the benefit shows we have had as of late, have been benefit shows benefitting the March for Women's Lives which focuses on...drum roll please....*drum rolls*....REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS and keeping abortion safe and legal. Which also happens to be the issue that...drum roll again please...*drum rolls*...happens to be one of the only major issues that Anya and I disagree on. "Tell us what they win Johnny."

Again, Anya and I have discussed both this issue and and the benefit show issue ad nauseum. It's just an issue that we have to agree to disagree on. But in regards to benefit shows...

Just as I would not feel comfortable paying money for a "pro-life benefit show," I don't expect her to come to one of my "pro-choice benefit shows." It's just one of those issues where we are polar opposites. But not as opposite as you might think. Although off point, Anya and I believe in nearly every single way about Reproductive Rights, except for the Abortion issue. We both believe in comprehensive sex ed. plans. We both believe that they should do away with the global gag rule. We both believe that the Christian right has worked their way into the White House and that it's adversely affecting the issue. But where we differ, is the issue of abortion. And it's because of that one minor difference, that I wouldn't go to one of her benefit shows (if she was in Eagles for Life) and why she doesn't come to mine.

but even still...

What do you think I'm doing at these benefit shows? Do you think that I'm just sitting around the benefit show, cheating on Anya with anyone and everyone who comes up. Honestly, ask anyone and they'll tell you...Here's what I do at benefit shows...

I'm usually sitting at a table away from the music, with John, Jace, and usually Andrew, and we're talking about nerdy geeky shit like 'Star Wars.' Or we're talking about politics somewhere.

-Get Out Her Vote. This is almost a non-issue, because she has expressed interest in coming, and guess what...she's going to start coming to the meetings. And she's expressed interest in getting involved in S.A.V.E....and guess what...she's going to start doing that. And guess what, she'd probably come to the FMLA meetings too if it weren't for the fact that FMLA is a pro-choice group.

-The end of the year wrap up/Femmies party. I guess this is the most grey area of them all. Here's how I saw it. I had just spent an entire year with the same activists/friends, and had in some ways gone through hell and back with them. We had collectively stared into the eyes of nearly every single "young conservative" and vocal pro-lifer who approached us both on campus and off. We had collectively gone to Washington D.C. We had collectively taken a part in one of the single largest marches in U.S. history. We had collectively struggled as it appeared at times that the Vagina Monologues might implode under the strain of people addicted to drama. We had collectively came up with the ideas for "Love Your Body Week." We had collectively came up with the ideas for "Get Out Her Vote." We had collectively came up with the ideas for "Thank a Feminist" activities. I felt it only fitting that since I was the member of this group, not the two of us, that I would show up solo to the party.

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I guess another big issue that these people have with me is that they think that I'm a flirt. They think that my modus operandi in the FMLA is to be a flirt. I don't even feel like I should answer this complete and total bullshit, BUT...

I'll flat out tell you here and now, that I honestly think that I joke around and interact with men and women on the exact same level. And if you think that I'm flirting with people, than that's your own business. If you can honestly look in my eyes, and tell me that I joke and interact with men and women differently, then all the more power to you. Because I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing. I suppose you'd prefer me to go back into a shell where I don't interact with anyone. And I say BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. I refuse to go back into that hell hole, known as "isolated Matt."

Ask anyone who's seen me joke around in high school, ask anyone who's seen me joke around in the Marine Corps, and ask anyone who's seen me joke around in College, and they'll tell you that I joke around the exact same way with both men and women. You wouldn't know that though, because you've never seen me "post isolationist." It almost seems as if you prefer the Matt who stays in his apartment all day and doesn't interact with anyone. If you can't tell that I act and joke around with men and women in the same manner, than I really don't care. I'm going to keep on, keepin on.

As a matter of fact, if you must know, if anything, I'm much more touchy feely with men than I am with women. Mr. or Mrs. ** (or whoever the anonymous poster was that posted earlier), you're absolutely right. There was a lap dance on Saturday. And I hope my friend John LOVED it. HE was my first, and probably only lap dance that I'll ever give. And someone did slap my ass as a part of "Truth or Dare." And I hope Jace loved that too. I'm sure HE did. Did Samantha dance in front of me? Yes. For maybe all of 3 or 5 seconds. I hope she doesn't get mad that I'm posting this, but yes...someone did "dare" Lindsey to "flash me." But I guess you didn't hear that both Lindsey and I thought that it would be crossing the line for said act to happen. So it didn't happen. But I guess you people only pick and choose what you want to believe, and make up all the rest.

And you also made a point of the fact that Anya has hung out with my guy friends more than she has with my "girlfriends." And you're absolutely right. That's because I hang out with my guyfriends more than I do with my lower-case "g" girlfriends. I rarely call up Lindsey, Sommer, Angela, Samantha, Gracie, etc. and just say, "hey...you wanna come over and watch some Star Wars." or..."hey, wanna come over and have some beers?" The only people that I've ever really done that with, have been my guy friends.

BUT...

You say that Anya has rarely hung out with any of my female friends. You're absolutely right. And besides group meetings, after dinner chopsticks, and D.C., I've unfortunately not hung out with them that much either. So if Anya hasn't hung out with them, it's only because I haven't hung out with them that much either. But that's going to change. I think Sommer, Lindsey, Samantha, and Becky and I are all becoming to be pretty good friends. So it'd be a shame, if all of us didn't start hanging out together more often.

AND...

My co-worker's name is Kate. I've been friends with her since freshman year. I at one time even admitted to her that I thought it would have been cool if we had gone out for a couple of dates. And I've admitted this to Anya. And you don't see me hiding Kate from Anya. As a matter of fact, I've made it a point to introduce the two of them to each other so that Anya doesn't feel jealous that I spend most of my day working with someone that I almost asked out on a date. We've hung out, outside of the work environment. And like I said above, I have no problem introducing Anya to one of my friends if I'm first comfortable with them as a friend first.

And as anyone who trully knows me will testify, it's been terribly difficult for me to make friends in college. I can honestly sit here and say, that the friends that I've become friends with easier and quicker (mainly Jace and John) have been easier to introduce to Anya. Until the recent D.C. trip, with the exception of Lindsey, I didn't feel that Samantha, Sommer, and Becky were on the same level that Jace and John were at so I wasn't as comfortable just calling them up and asking them to come over and hang out sometime with Anya and I. But now that I consider them full blown friends, you had better believe that we'll be hanging out together more often.

Besides Jace, I haven't really hung out with John and Anya in the same place all that much. I can think of maybe 2 times, when John's come over.

But even still...

You make it sound like I've purposefully kept Anya away from my female friends. That's bullshit. As a matter of fact, Anya and I had plans to hang out with Lindsey and crew one night at a bar in Lewisville called "B.J's." We were all set to go actually. Unfortunately, Lindsey had something come up at the last second. "No worries," I said. "We can get re-schedule and go down there a different time." And how dare you insinuate something by saying, "isn't that convenient?" What the hell are you trying to imply?

AND...

On Good Friday, the governor cancelled school. So I made it to a bar called Dusty's where my friend Lindsey works. And what did I do??? I called..."another drum roll please"...*drum roling*, I called Anya up. Oh my god. Stop the presses. Whatever could I be doing asking Anya to come hang out with me at a pool hall where Lindsey works to have a few drinks??? But you're right, I must have something going on deep down. And I can probably count on one hang how many minutes Lindsey was able to hang out with us since she was working that day. The truth of the matter is that she was working, and it turned out that I spent most of the day hanging outh with my friends Jace and John. So despite what the rumor mill may have said, I got drunk at Dusty's, not at Lindsey, Sommer, Becky, and Samantha's house. I fell asleep at their house, but that's only because I a) didn't want to impede on Anya's good time just because I was drunk and b) wasn't thinking clearly enough in my own mind to request to go home.

AND...

Anya has expressed interest in getting involved in "Get Out Her Vote." She'll be the first to tell you that I was one of the first people who encouraged her to do so.

But you're right, I must have some kind of secret agenda going on. The evidence certainly points to that conclusion anyways right? I mean, if that had been the case, I could have taken the easy way out. If I really had some kind of secret agenda going on, why would I have gotten back together with Anya after we had broken up? If I had some kind of secret agenda going on, wouldn't it have been easier to say to her, "you know, since we're already broken up anyways, why don't we just stay broken up.?"

If I had some kind of secret agenda going on, why doesn't anyone but YOU and two or three other drama majors see it? Why doesn't Jace see the inner workings of some kind of conspiracy? Why doesn't Lindsey see the inner workings of some kind of conspiracy? I see them both quite often.

Lindsey does not bullshit in the slightest. She has no problem telling people exactly what's on her mind. She prides herself on the fact that she's completely upfront with everyone. I called her when this shit started going down. I specifically asked her if she thought that I was flirtacious. And she flat out said, no. I called Jace too and asked his opinion. And he flat out said no as well. And while I don't like to speculate, I'd imagine that that nearly (if not all) of the people I'd call would tell me the same thing. And of all the people that I hang out with the most, I feel that Lindsey and Jace know my personality pretty damn well. I'm actually kinda surprised that they are a better judge of my personality than you are with all that we've been through.

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This is really disheartening. Mainly because I would have thought that all that we've been through, you would have come to me first. If you have a problem with the way I am in a relationship, then you should at least have the decency to come to me first. I would do the same for you. If I had a problem with your relationship, I'd either bite my lip or I'd take it to you personally. But I would never even for a second consider, going behind your back to your significant other and trying to start some shit.

That's just childish.

It's childish for one to Instant Message someone with your complaint.

It's childish that the person you did Instant Message wasn't me.

It's childish that you try and act like you don't know what's going on now.

It's childish of me to have to respond in kind over electronic form.

It's childish of us both to not have spoken about this in person before it ever got to this point.

It's childish of you to think that you are the gatekeeper of Feminism and all of it's virtues.

It's childish of you to even think that I'm in the FMLA because I have some kind of secret agenda going on. How fucking low do you think of me, that you would think something like that? That hurts A LOT.

It's childish of you to resort to bully tactics.

I really don't have anything more to say to you.

The fact of the matter is that Anya and I know what's in store for us. We know what's behind us. We know what we still have to work on. We know the big issue that still hovers over my head. We know what kind of people we are. We know how much we love each other. We know a lot about us that you don't. But at the end of the day, it's really none of your business.

So for now on, if you have something to say to me,

940-453-6298

or

940-565-2736 (work phone)

or

2531 Charlotte St. Apt 4
Denton, TX 76201

or

Matthews Hall room 105 (work)

I am going to refrain from posting any more on the subject. I also expect you to quit anonymously posting. If you are going to post on my site (or Anya's site since I'm guessing that you're the same person), at least be adult enough to post your friggin name. What is this, elementary school? Don't be so passive aggressive. If you have something to say to me, or Anya, or any adult for that matter, (and you don't want to call me specifically) then at least be adult enough to post your friggin name.

For now on, any comments that don't have your name will be deleted. My site is not your personal playground where you can just get away with taunting and finger pointing. So if you don't post your name, I hope you cut and paste your message because it'll get deleted. And I'm pretty damn patient, so keep posting and keep posting anonymously, I'll keep deleting and deleting.
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As for me, I'm going to keep on living my life. And nothing you can say is going to change the way I interact with people. If you have a problem with that, than so be it. Everyone should be concerned about living their own life, I don't have the time or energy to want (or care) as to what you think of my life.

I'm putting this behind me.

I hope that we can talk sometime and put this behind us and move forward. I think too much of our relationship to let this screw it up completely. I put the ball in your court. What you do from here is up to you.

matt out