I don't even know where to begin quite honestly. What it really feels like is that all of my idealism and hope for this country is for naught. For all the voter drives and voter pushes that I worked on, this just really f*cking sucks.

I guess what I finally came to the realization last night is that we live in a conservative country...flat out, period, goodnight and go to bed. I've always known it, but now it's confirmed. I don't care how many votes Kerry got, this country wants conservatism.

So if sometime in the future someone should lose a loved one in Iraq or another foreign country, or if you find yourself stuck with a choice between terminating a pregnancy but can't do so because Roe V. Wade being overturned, or if you find yourself out of a job because of some governmental policy, or if your son or daughter gets drafted to go fight one of the axis of evil, or if you wonder why you don't have any health care, or if you are gay and want to have the same exact rights as everyone else, or if you wonder why there is an extensive pay gap between you and your male counterparts, or if you wonder why our environment has gone to complete and total shit, then all I can say is that your country has failed you. Your country has failed you.

And if any of the above applies to you in the future and you voted for Bush...all I can is f*ck you!!! Seriously...there was a choice made this year between two distinct visions and plans for America. And if you had the gall to vote for Bush, then be prepared to hone up to all that entails. My patience in the next four years will probably be at an all-time low.

So yeah, we live in a conservative society. And sadly, the only way our country is ever going to change is when the conservatives of this country screw it up enough that people finally take notice. After last night, that's the only way I can see change actually happening. I thought that our country was already at that point, but apparently I was wrong. But maybe someday there will be a day when people look around at the corporate scandals and polluters that demolish the environment, will look at the wars in Iraq and elsewhere and all the havoc that wreaks on the world, will look at our massive budget deficits, will finally be fed up that millions of Americans don't have a decent wage or health insurance, and will finally say ENOUGH!!!!

Frankly, I'm sick of getting our ass handed to us. It's to the point now where I don't know whether fight or flight is the best recourse. I don't honestly feel comfortable living in this conservative of a society. The fact that gay marriage is even an issue is just SICKENING to me! I wouldn't feel comfortable living in a society that denied black or hispanic people rights, why should I feel comfortable living in a society that denies GLBT people rights? I don't feel comfortable living in a state where abstinence based sex ed is the m.o., why should I live here anymore? Why should I feel comfortable living in a theocracy??? This isn't the country that I grew up to love, this isn't the country that I signed up to defend, and honestly, it's not really the type of society that I want to live in currently. Who knows, this may all just be a bunch of empty talk, but I'm REALLY frustrated right now.

more to come later