Symptoms:

-Steady box office decline
-Big and small budgeted movies not performing well
-the upcoming winter blockbusters leaving analysts fearful that nothing can save 2005 from being a box office dud.
-Unoriginality
-uncertainty about the mega franchises

"Let's get this patient into the X-Men room."

Reading the Charts:

It's a bit hard feeling too badly for Hollywood. I know, losing money is something that sucks for any business, but keep in mind that we're talking about a multi-Billion dollar industry, run by big faceless corporations. So yeah, the box office has been witnessing a weekend to weekend decline, but as of this moment, Hollywood has already taken in about 7.25 Billion dollars. And that's without factoring in the upcoming movies, "King Kong," "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," and "Harry Potter." If these movies are as huge as people predict, then there isn't much to worry about.

Then you can also factor in movies that have the potential to perform well: "Aeon Flux," "Walk the Line," "Get Rich or Die Trying," "Zathura," "Yours, Mine, and Ours," "Syriana," "Rent," "Memoirs of a Geisha," and "The Producers." Spielberg also has a movie coming out in December. Even his more personal films usually perform well, so maybe the year can end with a pretty substantial bang. And that's also not even factoring in other surprise movies (the Jim Carrey starrer-"Fun with Dick and Jane," the Jennifer Anniston starrer-"Rumor Has It") that could end up performing well.

So far, the diagnosis reads a bit like that of a hypochondriac. It's like someone seeing a couple of flu-like symptoms and thinking that it's the avian flu.

"Wait, what is this? Is this a tumor? We need to get this patient to the O.R. STAT." <--I've always wanted to say that.

"IT'S NOT A TUMA," said the Kindergarten Cop.

"Give the Governator some anesthesia.

The Operating Room:

"Oh no, it's the unoriginality tumor. Hand me the chainsaw, we need to massacre this thing."

Although a lot of these movies made a bit of our money, we need to cut out the following movies.

The Dukes of Hazzard, Herby: Fully Loaded, The Amityville Horror, Bewitched, the Bad News Bears, The Fog, Doom, XXX: State of the Union, and the Son of the Mask...this list gets a big ol' Et Cetera.

Quite honestly, I'm sick of remakes and sequels. I mean, if they're done right (Batman Begins, SW: EP III, Chuck and his Cocoa Factory, War of the Worlds) they can be both financially lucrative and artistically satisfying.

So here's a simple rule, if you're going to make a sequel, a prequel, or a remake, have some kind of artist at the helm. George Lucas, Christopher Nolan, Tim Burton, Steven Spielberg (all great directors), either sequelized or remade pre-existing movies in new and artistically satisfying ways.

The problem with remaking movies or stale television shows is that it usually leaves the audience longing for the original. Remakes are rarely better than the original. As a matter of fact, I can't think of a remake that felt ultimately fresh. If you're going to do a remake go a different route. Look at "The Wiz."

"The tumor is cut out. Here's the medicine you need to take to make this booboo go byebye. You can call this preventative medicine."

-Hire the talent. See Peter Jackson (LOTR, King Kong), Sam Raimi (Spiderman, Spiderman 2), Bryan Singer (The Usual Suspects, X-Men, X2, Superman Returns), Christopher Nolan (Batman Begins, Memento), Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill vol 1 and 2), Tim Burton (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Batman) etc. This is just a short list, but everyone included proves that artistic cinematic statements and financial success can easily co-exist. When you hire the talent, your movie makes 400 million (Spiderman 2). When you don't, your movie makes 150 million (Fantastic Four).

-Seek out new talents. There are thousands of Film School graduates out there waiting in the wings. Go out and mine the talent. Follow the lead of the great sports teams and make yourself a farm team of sorts. You're not always going to have the Spielbergs (who now prefers the personal film to the blockbuster), the Lucases (who is giving up SW altogether), the Jacksons (who is making "The Lovely Bones" next), and the Mel Gibsons (who knows what kind of movie he'll make next) come in and save the day. Bring in some new talent.

-Have you ever been to a movie where you think, jeez, they should have spent more time on this movie? Usually, this has to do with the script. If you really want to save your hides, spend more time in the script department. Most directors are competent people. If you have the right script and the right cast, you're probably going to have a good movie.

-More time needs to be spent on the script, but also, more time and trust needs to be given to the director. If you hire the right people and give them the time they need, chances are probably pretty good that the movie will be pretty alright. Who knows where Hollywood would be if the powers that be hadn't trusted a relatively unknown director with their island based movie about a shark? Even when "Jaws" started to go over budget and over the allotted amount of time assigned for the shoot, the producers knew they had something special and let Spielberg continue to do his work.

-Maybe you could change your expectations. 9 Billion. 8 Billion. Is it really about how much money you take in, or should it be about getting more bang for your buck? Make better movies more cheaply. It's possible. Get creative. That's a hard one, so good luck.

-Contrary to what Hollywood would tell you, there are still stories out there that have yet to be told. You don't have to remake every old movie and television show into a new movie. Go out and find some storytellers. If you can't find them, I'll give you a hint as to where to start your search; book stores!

-Although surveys have shown that dvd sales are slipping as well, I think that dvds are playing a huge role in Box Office decline. I think that conventional dvd sales are slipping dramatically, partly because of the dicky way that studios release movies to dvd. First you release the regular edition on dvd, then you release the Special Edition a few months later, and then follow all that with The Ultimate Collector's Edition a year after that. They need to learn to get it right the first time.

I hate to keep going to the guy, but Peter Jackson totally knocked the ball out of the park with his LOTR dvds. Great movie, great dvd extras, great attention to detail, and a reasonable price. What more could you want out of a first release?

Another issue is your proposed simultaneous theatrical and dvd release dates. Quite honestly, that's the most brilliant idea I've heard from you yet. First, it cuts down on pirated movies. Who wants to watch a shitty pirated cut of a movie when you can go buy a pristine copy at Best Buy, or rent the same movie from a video store? But also, it'll make the theatrical release more special. I like the movie going experience. But it's nice knowing I have the option now. Some movies (Batman, Spiderman) are better on the big screen, but I'd like to enjoy some of the more dramatic based movies in the comfort of my own home.

Even though conventional dvd sales are slipping, I think that the television series DVD sets are murdering Hollywood. Television shows are often funnier (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development), more dramatic (The Sopranos, ER, The West Wing,) more creative (Lost, The Simpsons), and more daring (Six Feet Under, Carnivale) than most Hollywood released movies. For good shows, the dvd release is better than a movie. Instead of a single, two-hour movie, you get an entire season's worth of a really well written, directed, and acted show.

-VIDEO GAMES! Ummm, in case you haven't noticed, the video game industry is not in decline. While Hollywood is supposedly losing all this movie, the video game industry is booming with no signs of a let-up. Like tv dvd sets, video games bring people into a particular environment for an extended period of time. Some games take 50+ hours to complete. And truth be told, a lot of games are better made and more entertaining than movies. If you want to get your viewers back, make better movies, because the video games sure as hell aren't going anywhere.

-Quit jerking around the movie chains. Because you cost your movies so high, and because you expect a high return on every dollar, people are foregoing the film experience for their home theaters; often with better sound, better image capabilities, and NO commercials, NO cell-phones, and NO talkers except for the ones you invite over.

You jack up the cost of your movie reels and the movie chains jack up the price of admissions and concessions in an effort to compensate. If a family of four can't go to the movies for under 40 dollars, something is drastically wrong.

Hollywood is fine. You're not going to see Brad Pitt or Harvey Weinstein panhandling on the side of the freeway anytime soon. There's been a definite decline, but I don't think it's anything to get too worked up about. Not yet anyways.

"Take a two-disc dvd collector set (widescreen edition) and call me in the morning."