Dear Northern California,

Thank you for the marvelous weeklong vacation. Your parting kiss of cool ocean fed air will haunt me every day that I walk outside and start sweating before I've even taken my first step, as happened this morning. I will always cherish your foggy mornings that turn into the bluest skies this side of Montana and Wyoming. While we were only together for a week, I feel like the memories I've had there will last me a lifetime.

But now it's back to the real world with the love of my life, Austin, TX, or ATX as I affectionately call her. Since you were little more than a vacation, I didn't really have much of a chance to see your warts and your seedy, Ghirardelli chocolate fed underbelly. But Austin, Texas is my home, my one true love.

Who knows, maybe my family's situation will change one day and we will be reacquainted on a more permanent basis. God know I will try to convince my wife to apply at every single California school that there is. But I have to officially sever this relationship before I descend into madness knowing what I left behind.

You're always one to welcome visitors, so I'm sure you'll be fine without me. And please know that it is me, not you that needs to change. Despite what the conservative pundits say, you are a wonderful city with wonderful people who have so much to offer the world. Heck, you're even nice enough to put San Quentin prison within eyeshot (literally) of the Golden Gate bridge. But end this, I must.

From,

Your Lover

ps: Thanks for the Crabs. Err, Crab Cakes. Don't want to start any salacious rumors.