Purple Clouds
Matthew Shute's thoughts on pretty much everything

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Transcript from Late Nights with Andrew Barker, broadcast at 00:00, 13 March, 2007 on Celsius AM Radio (5.22 kHZ):

-Eh… Master Terry, as you like to be known, I’d like to welcome you to my award-winning radio show, Late Nights with Andrew Barker.

-Thanks, Andrew. Whoa. It’s good to be here.

-I understand that you want to talk about a new craze called Theotechism. Could you explain for the listeners at home what Theotechism is all about?

-Certainly, Andrew. Yes, so, Theotechism is a new mass-movement that is based upon my writings, particularly those in my new book Master Terry Introduces Theotechism. It is a revolutionary movement that has many of our politicians and sections of our media in a panic. There are already over a million people here in the United States involved in activism for our cause, with another million, at least, spread across Europe. We advocate widespread changes to our entire political system and society. We advocate a world-government based upon the tenets of Theotechism, and massive social change.

-Some of our listeners may find some of the tenets you speak about… well, strange and unfamiliar. For example, I understand that you and your followers have a very low opinion of elephants. Is this true?

-Whoa. Are you joking? Yes, of course it’s true. Though if you’d read my book you’d know that it’s mostly the African elephants that we have a problem with.

-What could you possibly have against African elephants?

-What? Surely that is self-explanatory, especially if you’d read my book. The African elephant is a disgusting freak of nature. Africa is a dark land with dark-minded people and dark creatures. These elephants must be eradicated before we can seriously progress as a society.

-Come on now. Isn’t that just a bunch of racist pseudo-science, demonizing a majestic animal simply because it originates in Africa?

-No, this is all scientific fact, as I clearly demonstrate in my writings. Look, elephants are quite obviously a bad influence on all of us, anyway. Have you ever seen those long grey penis things that sprout from their faces? They corrupt any who look on them. They’re unclean and ungodly.

-I assume that the “penis-thing” you refer to is the elephant’s trunk. The trunk works like an arm and a hand, able to grasp and manipulate objects in the world. It has no special sexual use, except maybe if it were to touch the genitals of another elephant. You also call elephants “ungodly”… but didn’t you write that “The One” created all living things?

-That’s not strictly true. You’re probably thinking of the profane Genesis story… whereas I always point to the Creation Story in Master Terry Introduces Theotechism. The God of Theotechism created all original things, but there have since been creatures created by the original creations themselves. A central tenet of Theotechism is that elephants, particularly African elephants, were created by the sly ones.

-Sly ones? Who or what are these?

-The sly ones appear as “people” who have excessively long fingers. They were created by The One as a challenge to the real humans, his chosen people. I am the leader of the chosen ones. God created the various sly races to be a demonic influence. They are here to test us. God has challenged us to wipe them all out, without mercy.

-Most of this will seem like crazed nonsense to many of my listeners, but I understand that your theories have become quite popular.

-Oh yes. Many are flocking to the new Way. What I offer is the most honest pathway to heaven itself, which is an eternal paradise. In heaven, all desires are fulfilled and nothing is left out, and sheer holy energy will radiate out from what I call the Sacrificed Heart. You’ll love it. That’s for the listeners at home, I mean. The different levels of paradise are all mapped out in my book for easy reference. The book is available now.

-Still, some of my regular listeners may find all of this rather difficult to swallow. I’m sure a few listeners might conclude that your teachings are simply the ravings of a disturbed individual who has built a thriving cult around himself by force of personality. Apparently you’ve even created a ranking-system, offering status and wealth to anyone who can convert the most people to Theotechism. Some people might view your belief-system as a kind of nightmare that is rapidly spiralling out of control.

-Whoa. You’re exposing your own prejudice and biases there, Andrew. Remember that one of my main teachings is that there is no such thing as reason. No, no. They said Einstein was crazy. And look what happened to him, even though he had the mind of a gnat compared to my mind now. And my soul is vast. Your snide comments won’t work on me, and your words haven’t gone unnoticed. You’ll be punished. But you have forgotten that Theotechism requires Pure Faith or Higher Faith, and these are concepts unique to Theotechism. Those who have the real capacity for Pure Faith or Higher Faith will always know the Truth of my words. They feel the Truth within their souls, always… always…

-The rhetoric in your book seems to promote violent hostility to members of other religions and also to non-religious people. Is that a fair assessment?

-Oh yes. Listen to me now and let me look at you as I say this. There is no point in beating around the bush here and pretending that blasphemy is a joking matter. I’m quite explicit in my book about what will happen to blasphemers. All other religions are flat wrong. About everything. But they are also blasphemous. And every member of every fake religion is an affront to the True God. I want members of all fake religions to wake up and smell the calcium. I say that these heathens have a simple choice to make: they either get out of their fake religion, or… or the true Brothers and Sisters will kill them. We’ll hack them to death, massacre them without qualm or restraint. And we cannot fail because we have the True God guiding our actions and strategies. As for the atheists and agnostics and all the rest… these poor fools are people who still think that reason exists. They couldn’t be more wrong! We’ll flay and torture them alive before killing them: jubilation for their singular foolishness.

-That all sounds rather intolerant.

-As I said… why beat around the bush when we are dealing with absolutes, with sin and virtue? TRUTH guides me. TRUTH. TRUTH. TRUTH. Say it with me, now: TRUTH!

-I’d rather not.

-It’s your soul. I am warning you.

-Ah. Let me return to a previous point for a moment. Earlier you said that the sly ones, as you call long-fingered people, invented elephants in order to corrupt the “chosen” people. Have you any evidence for this extraordinary claim?

-We’re still working on that, “Andrew”. We believe that, as elephant DNA is examined in greater and greater detail, we shall find clear molecular signatures that prove beyond any doubt that one of the sly tribes engineered these vile beasts.

-And if no such evidence is found?

-If we cannot actually find the proof, it will mean that there are limits to how deeply we can probe such things. Science does have its limits, including practical limits on how finely we can probe. And reason itself does not exist, as I keep reminding you, so proofs are not that important anyway.

-That’s convenient.

-In Master Terry Introduces Theotechism, I prophesized that we might eventually find some proof, so there’s hope. It was actually a Power Prophecy, and I have written that Power Prophecies can never fail. Regardless, my faithful followers aren’t as empty or cynical as all you who haven’t been touched in your soul by Master Terry. I can only really touch you in your soul if you read my book, so please buy a copy today and allow me to enter inside you.

-Master Terry, why are you so sure that long-fingered people are demons, created by your God to test short-fingered people? What are your outlandish theories based upon?

-It’s obvious from studying the sly ones. They’re wicked and perverted. They constantly rape everyone without anyone knowing. They’re dim-witted and uncontrollable. They’re…

-Dim-witted? A moment ago you said that they genetically-engineered elephants into existence.


-Are you saying that a dim-wit could genetically engineer an elephant from scratch?

-Well… come on. Remember, they have an innate cunning, despite being so stupid. And they have dark powers at their disposal. And they can hide their stupidity. Some of them might talk in a fancy way, but their souls are withered and impoverished.


-They must be rooted out.

-As you’ve already proposed. So this is your solution to the delusion you’ve created, is it? Ethnic cleansing? Genocide?

-Whoa. You’re speaking as if they were human.

-Well, yes. Remember, listeners, Master Terry is talking about people with long fingers. And it may not even be that simple. In your book you wrote the following passage… Ah, here it is… “As to the length of finger involved, this may be a subjective judgement to an extent, and yet the Holy Presence of The One will be inside you. No matter how constricted you are, He will be deep within you, guiding you with Divine inspiration. The Spirit will bloom inside you and reveal the truth. Thus you may decide, on the basis of finger length or not, whether the struggling person in front of you is truly a sly one or otherwise…” So, identifying these demons is subjective and arbitrary. They’re just innocent humans, caught up in a delusional belief-system you have created and promoted to others with all the zeal of Saint Paul.

-No. I repeat: no. My followers and I know that the sly ones are not human. They walk among us and trick us.

-Why are you glaring at me like that?

-Obviously, when we begin to get rid of the sly ones… people like you will have to go, too.

-So I’m not human either? Even though my fingers appear shorter than yours?

-As you pointed out a moment ago, finger-length is not always the final arbiter. You’re obviously a lover of the sly ones, whatever the case. Maybe you even ARE a sly one. I’m sure you follow my logic. I recently theorized that the sly ones develop technologies to reduce finger-length in order to blend in with us.

-You and your followers are beyond any vestige of sanity. How do you propose to “get rid” of all these lurking sly ones, who may look no different from everyone else?

-I’ve made this very clear in my manifesto, Master Terry Introduces Theotechism. Once we have taken over the government, we shall systematically exterminate the sly ones. All of them. All across the world. With hammers.


-You see, this is an important moral lesson. It is not enough to simply get rid of them in some abstract and clinical way. No, we must crush them. It must be visceral. We must beat them to death with hammers. Every true human being must take part in the cleansing. We must smash and batter their faces in with hammers, not only to instil the moral teaching into the very fabric of our souls, but also to make sure they never come back.

-So you want to turn every man, woman, and child into a blood-crazed killer or a murder victim?

-Again, you are misconstruing what I am trying to achieve here. Slaying demons is not the same as murder. The sly ones are insidious. They lurk near children. They rape the elderly when nobody is looking. They oppose the God of Theotechism. They need to go.

-There’s one thing I don’t understand. Why aren’t you locked up in a medical facility?

-What do you mean?

-You are deluded, raving… psychotic even. I’m not sure that you’re sane enough to be considered evil, as such, but you’re a menace to society, whether it is your fault or not.

-Whoa. Your views are typical of the liberal elite that long-ago ruined our communities with pre-heaven pornography. Now you’re trying to attack my beliefs. How low is that? By attacking me you attack my children, my Brothers and Sisters, who believe in my words. You attack what I call the Fabric of Truth. Just because my teachings are not based on some kind of reason, you attack me as being a barbaric thug or a “mentally ill” person. I’ve heard it all before.

-I bet you have. Goodnight Master Terry… Phew, this has been the strangest and most disturbing interview of my career, without a doubt. While somebody escorts Master Terry from the building, I’ll open up the phone-lines to everyone who wants to comment on this frightening Theotechism craze that we’ve heard about tonight. Give us a call. The number, once again, is…….

Far-fetched and silly, indeed. See "Yakub" for a taste of what large numbers of humans are capable of believing...

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