I'm having a horrible time getting any day job stuff done today, so I figured I'd just stop and let the voices in my head run free.

Boogeda boogeda boogeda!!!

Seriously, I've been feeling pretty energized about writing again, but I'm trying to think things through and not rush off into anything right now. Okay, well, I am in the middle of dashing off a new story right now, but I'm still thinking about novels and how to write 'em while I'm doing that, plus reading as much as I can -- I'm getting ready to start reading Sean Stewart's Mockingbird tonight (I loved his most recent book, Perfect Circle, which had a huge impact on the writing of my novel Sixteen Miles).

But before I get into my meandering thoughts on novels versus short stories, I wanted to write about a thought that hit me while I was emailing my buddy and fellow writer Lee today about -- hell, I'm too lazy to rewrite it, so I'm copying and pasting it here:

Writing is all about confidence. You have to have balls to think that someone wants to spend their precious time to read your writing, and you have to be cocky to think that what you're writing is worth that time. That's what I lost with this most recent rejection -- all my confidence in my novel-writing skills dried up. I know I can write a damn good story, but the novels just aren't there yet.

And there's the rub, for me. I figured out how to fudge my way through to publication with short stories. I know Kris Rusch called me out on this way back in '02, at the short story workshop in Oregon -- she said "There's no there there!" about my story "Gunning for the Buddha." In other words, I'd created a dazzling voice for my narrator, but did little setting or description or "world-building." It was all style, little substance. I saw her point then, and now, and I'm feeling the after-effects of it as I try to cobble together novels in a similar style.

And that's what it all boils down to, of course, is style. I can't carry off that sort of high-octane narrative in a novel, and I'm not sure I'd want to -- it's exhausting. Novels seem to need time for introspection as well as action.I'm lacking in the slow-down-and-think-about-it-all department (I'm impatient!). People want to get to know the protagonist in a novel, because a novel is an exploration not just of a series of events but of a human being, his past and his dreams of the future, not just his present.

It's an interesting challenge for me. I think I need to practice more of what my friend Cathi calls Mindfulness, from Buddhism (funny that I got her email and Lee's today, a day I needed to hear from old friends like them the most!). Imbue each sentence with careful thought and insight, instead of slapping down whatever words work. Don't rush. Don't worry about how many words I have done. Take my time and make each word fit.

You know, I think that if I were a builder or a mason, my walls would be done in a day, but my foundations would be crooked as hell. And my walls would topple in the slightest wind.

Good thing I'm a writer, or my stuff would never pass code!

So I'm going to crank on this new story idea, continue reading novels that excite me, and do a Rock-Paper-Scissors decision about whether to dive into the rewriting of Sixteen Miles or The All Nations Team. I think both novels have the potential to be great, my best work yet. If only I can take my time, be mindful, and put some there there. Later!