I can almost hear the requim playing in the background; summer is over, and now all that's left is waiting for the new beginnings to start.

This is it: my last chance. Have you ever felt like that? That this is your last chance to do something right or everything you've ever wanted will be gone?

It's a familiar feeling for me -- it comes about every saturday night, every New Year's Eve, every birthday. I'm standing on the edge of a new week, new year, new age and all I can think about is how it's my last chance to change.

Myself. I'm obsessed with self-improvement and starting my life over is a daily ritual. I lie awake at night thinking about the things I could be, would be, and possibly even will be upon waking up the next morning.

I make lists about things I need to change about myself and ways that I could do so. I've ploted, planned, and outlined practically every step of my life, but what has it all been for?

Every day I wake up feeling the same as I did the night before. It could be a new year, a new beginning, a new chance to succeed, but I'm always the same person when I wake up.

I understand that change takes time, that good things come to those who wait. I know I should be happy with who I am, should be greatful for just being alive.

But what good is being alive when you're not happy with yourself? I have to live inside this head of mine, despite it's faults, and though it functions properly, I can't see being happy just because it works.

Now I seem ungreatful, unhappy, and miserable. A miserable spinster spinning her web of sorrows, that's me. And truth be told, I am all of those things.

So here comes a new school year, a new beginning that will determine the rest of my life. But then again, don't they all?