Where to start? I wanted to add stuff to my journal as I thought of it, but I got distracted and never bothered. The mood has to be right for me to write anything. That's a whole other issue I'll get into at another time.

So, 2003 is behind me. Actually, I tend to lump most of 2002 into 2003 because so much happened within the space of a year (give or take a few months). In April 2002, I got laid off from my job as an online graphic designer for Hosting.com/Virtualis. It was a mixed blessing, as I was busy planning my wedding, but the extra money would have been nice. In May 2002 I moved into Scott's condo reluctantly...I don't relish the idea of living with someone before marriage, but I had no choice. No, I'm not being judgemental to those who choose this route...it's just not for me. I took on the planning of my wedding with relish, and made all of the invitations, and numerous other things that I should have assigned to other people. Basically, I tried to be Wonder Woman which was a big no-no and I still carry some regret about it. The wedding was fabulous though, with our personal touches and Lord of the Rings theme, swing dance lessons and beautiful sunset, dolphins and sea lions and amazing stained-glass goodness. We went to Costa Rica for our honeymoon and had a fantastic time with the monkeys. In October 2002, I discovered I was pregnant and also discovered that the people who were renting our condo to us were selling it. We had to move by November 1, and we had a brain fart and moved to Thousand Oaks. Scott's job in Santa Monica was hanging in the balance and I was having no luck finding work either. Our townhome was nice, but we felt hugely isolated and pretty much my first trimester fatigue sucked the life out of me. It was a dark Christmas and times were hard. Scott got laid off in January of 2003 and my unemployment ran out. We didn't know how we were going to pay rent or bills or eat. Scott got a lead on a job at E! Entertainment Networks, but they took their sweet time to hire him - almost three months! In the meantime, I was able to get an extension on my unemployment and some freelance work that saved our asses. You'd think with all these life changes and stress that my pregnancy would be affected, but I had a super easy time with it. No morning sickness at all. Just an abundance of the hormone relaxin that caused a painful back and pelvic joints that didn't allow me to walk for more than 20 minutes without being in a lot of pain. With Scott's new job at E!, we decided to move to a more central location to his job, church, my mom and my sister - The Valley. ::shudders:: I really don't like The Valley, but I figured it would be best for us for the time being. As we looked at many overpriced places in the Sherman Oaks-Studio City-NoHo area, my mom told me that her friend in Temple City was renting a house (!!!) for only $900/month. It was an offer we couldn't refuse and we hope to stay here for a while before we move to parts uknown where we can actually afford to buy a house. A month later, on June 11, 2003, Isabella Grace Francis was born. She's the sweetest, cutest, loudest and smiliest baby I've ever seen! The stress of the past year came crashing around my ears when I was unsuccessful in nursing her. She would not latch. I was more crushed than I expected and fell into a depression. I recognized right away that this was not just a hormone shift and the "baby blues", but an exclamation point on my anxiety/depression problems that I've had all my life. I quickly addressed the problem and have worked my way out of the hole. I wish I had done something about this years ago, but having a child changes the way you do things. Hopefully for the better. The rest of 2003 was thankfully more uneventful. Life threw us many curveballs since we got married, but we've handled them all very well. I think that's a testiment to our faith in God, our faith in each other and our undying friendship.

So, what's up with 2004? I think I just want to have a quiet year with no major surprises. We need some down time, dammit! I don't like to make resolutions, but my goals are to get healthy again, get my life more organized, get more involved with church, and to reduce my debt dramatically. Most of all I want to be more...well...me. I'm sick of trying to please everyone and not rock the boat.