I have a Shadow: a reporter at our main competitor newspaper. I cannot shake her, as hard as I try. When I stand up, she stands up. When I talk to the town council president, Shadow talks to him. When I go to the bathroom, Shadow....well, she doesn't do that, but still.

We've been to a few functions together now, completely natural since at times we share the same three-town beat. First time I was Shadowed, I sorta let it go, knowing this is how things work: you're at a public meeting, you openly ask one person something, you all write it down. Duh. But last night, Shadow went too far.

SCENE: 3-hour plan commission meeting (zzzz... Stay with me, some interesting stuff here).

Town Councilman has just stood, told commissioners "shit was done wrong" (loosely translated). Councilman sits. I saunter up, "yo, G, wanna go talk outside real quick?" G says yes, up we go.....and a-here comes Shadow, prancing behind me, out of the meeting, into my private interview. Shadow, what the hell you doin'??

CK: question, question, intrepid reporting, question
Shadow: note taking, note taking, quote stealing...
CK: (appalled) "Thanks, G, gonna go talk to the resident."
Shadow: follows. Continued quote stealing ensues.

Same shit seriously happens again at meeting's end when I'm questioning a developer's lawyer.

Next time we're in mutual coverage mode, I'm going to whip my much-cuter head around (sorry, catty time) and gently ask, "Shadow, how much of that paycheck you gonna start forkin' over my way since I've done all of your work for you?? Step the F aside, this is my turf right now. Step back and let the real (albeit new and still learning) reporter do the work."

If that doesn't work, Dad's already offered to "Absence of Malice" her ass - gonna pose as some important hot shot, cook up some fake news, spoon-feed Shadow who will eat it up like the lazy non-reporter she is, and burn her no-talent-ass-clown, well, ass.