my son is 20. my daughter is 11. i remember when this change came about in him, and it's just now setting in with her. she is so much more confident, so much stronger than he was at that age. she voices her opinion as i have only dreamed of doing. even at my age now...

she and i just had a little spat. it was quickly resolved by me realizing that she is gone. this realization brought me to tears and i just didn't have the heart, nor the energy, to try to force my will any further. i just shut up and wrapped her up in my arms and loved on her.

just like that!! poof!!! that little fat baby is gone. that little girl that thought i knew everything - the little girl who only wanted me for a playmate - i was her whole world. she's gone. she's maturing and changing so quickly. i know she's not all of a sudden gone so much as i just realized it. this makes me so sad. and yet so happy.

one of those life-moments i suppose...

aren't they supposed to grow and mature and have their own opinions? aren't they supposed to learn to be assertive? shouldn't she have friends who are more important than me, at least for now??

i know i'm not the only parent to come to this realization. it just hit me so hard from out of the blue tonight. bam!!! you no longer have a child, mrs. r - may i present your "young lady"?

i'm proud of her. i'm proud of both my kids. they have the biggest and best hearts around. they are not prejudiced, they are not mean-spirited. they are kind to children, animals and old folks and they have sympathy for the disadvantaged in this world.

i guess my work here is done.

but seriously, i know that part of the problem is that i didn't want 2 kids. i wanted at least 5. most likely 6. and the 2 that i have are growing up on me and it's been wasyyyy too fast for my liking. no more babies, or children, for me. but those other 4 kids would grow up one day too.

i enjoy hanging out with my kids. they seem to enjoy hanging out with me. the son, not so much anymore unless it involves a restaurant, but that's ok. i'll take what i can get. i have never been a shopper, but i find that i actually enjoy it when i shop with my daughter. it's relaxed and she looks so cute in all her "mall clothes". we go out to eat and to movies occassionally. we get ice cream and starbucks and sit outside and drink it when the weather is nice. (decaf for her!!)

i'm just wondering how long it will be before she no longer wants to do those things with me? it won't be long i suppose, before she'd rather be doing those things with her friends. and i'll let her go. a little at a time. i know i have to. and i have to make the most of every minute we have together. it's just not so important anymore to be the one who's right or to be the one who has to have my way or the last say when we have a disagreement.

i just didn't think this day would come about so quickly.