i think i've read some christmas entry from most all of you now, so i decided, while i'm here alone for a few moments, to go ahead with my own.

yes, i believe in God. yes, i celebrate christmas. however, the celebration of christmas is definitely not what it used to be, or in my opinion, what it ought to be.

in the old days we went to granny and papa's house after church a week or two before christmas (as we did every sunday mind you) and walked thru the farm with 2 uncles and assorted cousins, and we all found cedar trees that we liked and cut them down and took them home tied onto the top of the car. we decorated with home made ornaments and multi colored big bulb lights, and we got maybe 3 presents each.

we also drew names at granny and papa's house on the sunday we all cut down trees because no one had a lot of money to spend on every member of the family. so adults would draw for adults and children for children and so forth.

i remember dolls and wooden cribs, board games, train sets, hot wheels racing sets, a pogo stick, a hula hoop - old fashioned sorts of toys.

then back to granny and papa's on christmas day for christmas dinner with all those aunts and uncles and cousins. then over to grandma and grandpa's to visit with them and exchange gifts.

we were also very active members of a presbyterian church, so there were also always lots of church activities going on. none of this candlelight service stuff on christmas eve tho, altho i do enjoy this service when i'm able to go, but in that day it was thought that families would want to spend christmas eve together at home. but there were pageants with children singing badly (but cutely!!) in assorted colors of bedsheets and those halos - what did we make those halos with??? i remember coat hangers and some sort of gold wire stuff??? i dunno.

anyway, there was always a feeling about christmas that, unfortunately, i'm rarely able to capture these days. isn't that a shame??? the meaning hasn't changed, so i'm sure it must be me.

my son is not a believer in God, so that might detract from what i feel, but it seems that it shouldn't. and i think everyone knows that dec 25 is not actually the birthdate of jesus, even if you are a believer, so there's nothing special about the day really.

maybe i'm getting older and longing for the simple days of youth. maybe i'm so disappointed by the meanness and insanity i see 364 days a year, it makes me wonder why people can't be nice all the time??? not that everyone is nice on christmas day. it seems that so many people get even nastier around christmas time - suicide, fights over video game systems, impatience, worried about spending too much money, family stresses increase.

it's like we're just following the masses. we HAVE to buy all that crap that we don't really need because everyone else does. like we can't step outside the madness and think clearly for ourselves.....have i failed my daughter so much that she sees her self-worth wrapped up, even a teeny bit, in what and how much STUFF she gets for christmas??? my son could care less, really. he sees it just like i do. and my hubby, well, i love him dearly, but he says ya can't have christmas without presents. oy vey!!!!! (yeah, i know!!)

and speaking of need...or not needing all the stuff we buy for each other, i really have no problem with a few token gifts. ok, maybe one little gift. i'd prefer it be a gift of heart rather than purchased. but what about all those folks who really have NEEDS???? food, warm clothing, shelter from the cold, medicine, mental health problems??? and i'm not talking about just at christmas time. i made it a point long ago to give to charity all year long, because the need is there all year long.

maybe that's why i like thanksgiving better than christmas. the family gets together, we have a nice meal, we all sit around and visit and talk and share what we are thankful for - which is much!!! we all love on each other.

to me, that's what it should be about. then again, i think that's what it should be every day of every year.