it's quiet here. finally.

my darling daughter is still asleep. my brother has gone to meet up with my son to sign the papers on their new apartment. hubby is at work.

my son's roommate who hooked up with son's girlfriend was diagnosed bi-polar a few weeks ago. his mom took him to a mental health facility for a few days to get him dried out - apparently he uses ecstasy quite a lot and has a drinking problem too. last week he told my son that he could no longer watch his tv or use his computer, altho the computer monitor and the windows operating system belong to my son. so my son had the cable turned off. no use paying for something you can't use, right??? said roommate got pissed and ended up smashing son's stereo and trashing his room and threatened to kill my son if he saw him again. my son called the police and filed some reports and i guess they'll sort all that out in court. we're not worried that he'll actually do anything. he says a lot of stuff and does nothing but sit on the computer and go to narcotics anonymous meetings. i'm not even sure he knows what he says most of the time. besides, all the drinking and drug use have reduced the boy to about 130 pounds and i think my son could easily take him if he had to. and no, he doesn't own any weapons that we know of.

too much drama for me.

so my brother and son are moving in together over the next two days. wonder how that'll work out??? i've already told both of them that whatever happens it's not my problem. they both profess to be grown men, so they can take care of it all themselves.

i am detaching with love.

i love them both dearly, but neither of them makes the best choices at times. i cannot fix things for them, they must do it themselves. therefore, they have both been warned not to call me complaining when things don't go well.

again i say, i am detaching with love. i mean it. i am. don't call me guys. i am detaching.

****

i love my brother. i really do. and i'm so glad we've been able to help him out this last month. but it will be nice to have my house back to myself.

i want to paint, and i need some quiet to do that. my hubby got me some new paints and canvas for christmas, and they sit there, beckoning to be used.

i think this is testimony to the fact that my pea brain can only do one thing at a time these days. i used to be able to do at least 3 things at once, but no more. i can't even do abstracts and talk or listen at the same time, and they are generally easy for me.

i want to do a portrait of my son. his hair is long and curly now, and i think he's just beautiful. his eyes are deep brown and so expressive. he has his dad's nose. it's strong and large, but pretty, you know? and he has full lips. he will make a great subject. i really want to do him justice, so i will start that once the house is near empty of inhabitants again.

i'm on medical leave from work, and i have over two weeks til surgery, so that will be enough time to at least get a good start. i'm hoping that i'll be able to sit up and paint afterward as well, but we'll see. there's always knitting if not.

****

work. what am i going to do about work??? since i work on commission, if i were to sell something right now, this very day, i won't get another paycheck til march. if i start back in february, i won't get another check til april.

i may end up doing something else anyway. it's funny, i really loved that job. isn't it funny how a bout of depression will wipe out all your confidence and instill a great amount of fear in no time flat? i don't think i have the ability to do that job anymore. i'm not sure. i made a lot of money doing it, but i know peace of mind is worth far more.

i still want to try my hand at selling some paintings. i had no luck with ebay, but i'm going to try again. and i need the quiet i spoke of to actually get some paintings finished. so eventually it'll all come out in the wash, one way or another.

the really cool thing is that i have the support of my hubby whatever i do. i need to make some money, but he doesn't care how that happens.

who, me? worry? not me! nahhhhhh.

****

the heat is on, my dog is snoring on my feet, and my fingers are clicking on the keyboard. these are the only sounds i hear. no one's talking, the tv isn't on and it's quiet.

ahhhh quiet. that's a sound i haven't heard in a long time.

sweet.