thery're not new year's resolutions. well, except for that turning the heat down thing (and that hasn't yet forced the "boarders" to abandon us!!). at least i didn't plan them to be resolutions. it's just coincidental timing with the new year.

evolutions. yeah, that's it. they're evolutions.

i've been in a state of flux for the last few months. depression, physically ill, yearning for a simpler and slower way of life.

the job that i've had for the last 7 months is in sales. constantly on the phone, running from appointment to appointment, hoping against hope to make a sale so that i can make some money. some days driving upwards of 250 miles.

and dressing the part. ugh. suits, make up, hair, accessories, the whole package.

again i say ugh.

for many years as a single mom this was the only way to make any money. i have 3 years of college but no degree. so i went into sales at our newspaper. which is where i met my dear husband. yes, i made a lot of money and was able to support myself and my kids quite nicely, but omg the stress and 60-70 hour work weeks took a heavy toll.

hubby and i have been doing some talking, having some "heart to hearts" if you will. he has a lot of credit card debt to pay off. a lot. a whole lot. so much that i thought i'd croak when he told me how much. i've never known anyone who has ever had that much credit card debt. you know how it is, the more money you make the more credit they'll give you??? and he took full advantage of it too. he makes a good salary, really good, so i keep asking myself what does he have that's worth x amount of credit card debt???

no matter. we're in this together now.

we're going to look at debt consolidation. maybe a home equity loan to pay some things off. the interest he's paying you don't even wanna know. i asked him to please not even tell me that - i don't even want to know in exact dollars.

we're cutting back on as many things as we can. i mean really, who needs 900+ television channels? there's nothing but crap on anyway. and how many magazines do we need delivered here? memberships to golf something or other and the holocaust museum??? we're not even jewish!!! and no one here plays golf!!! there are many ways to cut back and save a couple hundred dollars a month.

we're even thinking of selling my car. dave's is paid for and has 30,000 miles on it which includes 2 trips to texas and 2 trips to florida and the car is over 5 years old. he still carries an extended warranty. we still owe 3 years on mine, plus it has 60,000 miles on it from the sales jobs. besides, his is a beautiful hot fast pontiac grand prix, mine is a little 4 cylinder saturn family car. blah.

we can make it with one car. all he does is drive to work. he stays in the office all day. they have a cafeteria on site (altho i suspect we'll be packing lunches too) so there's rarely a reason for him to go out.

after i heal from surgery this week i'm going to be switching jobs. many years ago, i worked at a florist. it was the best job i ever had. it didn't pay much, but it was fun, the people in the industry are a different breed altogether. and i got to have my hands in dirt part of the day!! something different to do every day. i worked there when my son was born. i have many fond memories of those years.

it still doesn't pay much, but it will be worth the peace of mind i'll have, which trickles down to my family of course. and can you say jeans and t shirts and sweaters???

my son and brother didn't get to move into their apartment last week. my brother still owes his last landlord a small amount of money so the application was denied. my hubby told him that when he gets a job he'll sign for an apartment for them since son is working and still in school.

brother has a job interview tomorrow. another one i should say. i understand that these good jobs he's interviewing for aren't coming thru for whatever reason, but he's been sleeping on my couch day and night for 6 weeks now when he could have been working at mcdonald's or some such place and saving money. even my mother suggested that to him yesterday and he got pissed and handed me the phone to talk to her.

gimmeabreakalready!!!!!!!

he's too good to work fast food, but not too good to mooch off of us for 6 weeks???? he hasn't contributed a penny to the groceries, altho he did offer to spend $40 buying dinner at kfc yesterday. i said no, that seems rather extravagant for someone who doesn't have a job and we're trying to cut back expenses, but that would buy a lot of groceries. not another word from him on that subject.

my hubby says wait and see if he gets the job monday. if not, he's going to be told that he has x number of days to get off the couch and get a job or he can go sleep in his truck. or wherever.

i'm all for helping most anyone as long as they're trying to help themselves. but come on!!! he's 47 years old and doesn't do a damn thing all day long. too good to work fast food??? are ya too good to sleep in your truck???

sorry, i guess i'm ranting. i haven't felt well and he talks at me constantly and follows me around the house, which is small to begin with. we are really crammed in here now. i have to come to my bedroom and shut and lock the door to have any peace or privacy. if he were working somewhere or at least out looking for a job then at least i'd have some quiet time. and with surgery on thursday, i don't want him hanging around all the time. he sorta sounds like the teacher on charlie brown: wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk.

you get the picture.

however, with surgery comes excellent medications afterward!!!!!!

and no, i'm not sharing!!!