i don't know what's up with my son.

yeah, i probably know a lot more than i want to admit i know.

he's stopped going to school. he quit yet another job. he stays up all night on the computer and sleeps half the day.

this isn't new. it's what he used to try and get away with all the time. when he started going to college in september i had such high hopes that he was finally on the right path. almost any kind of path would be better than the drift he does so well. he did ok til he moved back in here. he says he has a hard time getting on the bus to go to work and school. he used to live around the corner from school and work. yet he doesn't have a hard time getting on the bus to go hang out with his peeps. and he once had a car which i helped him buy. i sold it after he quit work and couldn't pay his insurance.

there's a definite pattern to his drift, tho. work a month or two, quit, get another job, work for a few weeks, quit, etc.... there's hell to pay at home of course, which doesn't make for a good home life for any of us at times, but he usually manages to pull something out before he gets evicted.

i don't know what to do. i've tried helping him in every way i can. after a kid is 18 what're ya supposed to do??? i can't force him to do anything else. we've done drug therapy, counseling, tough love, encouragement and incentives, bitching, yelling, ignoring...we've done it all. everyone tells me i've done too much for him and that's one reason he doesn't do anything for himself. still, i wonder where i went wrong, ya know???

i'm still working on 'detaching with love'. seriously. i know it sounds cold and heartless, but i don't know what else to do. i'm gonna let him stumble and fall i guess, and see where he lands. it's just so damn cold right now, i hate to see my own flesh and blood homeless and hungry, but i really am out of ideas. so i'm working on my attitude about the whole situation.

we gave him til next sunday, and then he's gotta go be a bum elsewhere.

i know he smokes pot. i don't have anything against it really, except the fact that it's illegal (and yes, i don't think it should be). i know he drinks. i don't know how much he does of either of these. i know, there are other issues that are probably affecting him more than these, i just wish we could get to the bottom of it all and fix it.

that's what we moms do. we fix things.

in the meantime.....worry???? who, me??????

****

tomorrow i'm giving my brother his notice as well. he's got a week.

there's just too much to even get into. suffice it to say i'm sick of his shit too.

i'm not looking forward to the weekend. i haven't seen him all week , but he'll be here this weekend, taking jabs at me for whatever comes into his immature little mind. my 12 year old daughter is more mature and has more sense than him.

it probably won't go well, but damn, he's been here almost 3 months. he's working, he should have almost $2000 saved, and it's time to go. i want my house back. i want my living room to stop smelling like his feet. i want my family back like it was before thanksgiving when he moved in. i want to not have to have him sleeping on my couch all day and snoring like a chainsaw. i want to be able to have friends over without him here. i want my peace of mind and some quiet around here.

apparently he's not going anywhere of his own accord. he's made no move to do anything, pardon the pun, but i think he's content to work, get stoned, and sleep on my couch.

no, we're not all potheads here in my home. but that's another blog for another time.

****

my daughter is out of school tomorrow and monday and i'm off work those two days. she has a wittle code. *sniff, sniff*. she was also invited to a sleepover tomorrow night with her 2 BFF's. so i'm sure she'll be more perky by 5pm!!!

we'll be going to claire's boutique to get her ears pierced in the morning if she feels well enough. it's not the first time. but what the hell, i'm gonna let her try again. this time she has to pay for it herself and maintain them herself. i think if she feels she has an investment in it it'll make her more responsible for them and she'll take better care of them.

teaching responsibility...detaching with love...

i'm learning.

claire's boutique is at the mall...

oh joy!!! rapture!!!

i can hardly wait!!!!!

NOT.

i guess it's time tho. we haven't been to the mall since august. she also has some gift cards from christmas to cash in on, and she's already outgrown some school clothes we got in august, so i'm due for a shopping (ugh) expedition.

we'll probably get dippin dots at the mall. it's a treat we have when we go there. i'm thinking chocolate. mmmmmmmmmm.........

****

so, tuesday night (when we worked til 2:30am wednesday morning) a guy at work we'll call 'nacho' had to run out about 9pm and pick up some magnolia leaves for an order.

he decided to stop at the bar next door and have an espresso martini on the way back to work. then another. and another.

only a few of us noticed he was drunk. it's hard to tell drunk nacho from sober nacho. he's a very funny kid. however, the funniest part was watching him work til almost 3am after he came down from the alcoholic high he'd been on.

can you say "crash and burn"???

last night he took his girliefriend out for japanese food, drank 4 bottles of saki, and slept 3 hours. again. 2nd night in a row drunk and 2nd day in a row working on 3 hours sleep.

ahhhhh, the joys of youth.

dumbass.

****

i think sleep is in order. i'm not yet caught up from VD at work.

i'm gonna try that aura cleansing again tonight. i didn't make it past the 4th chakra last time i tried. i don't know if i did it right or not, but i know i passed out and slept like a baby.

works for me.

besides, i have to do battle with my brother tomorrow, so i need to be as clean as possible.

and i'm sure another cleansing will be in order afterward. reverand cassondra says so, except reverand cassondra charges $250 and it takes her 14 days to do what i can do for free in less than 14 minutes.