i know i shouldn't complain about such small things. so many have so many bigger things taxing them.

that said...

i realize how very fortunate i am in so many ways. maybe it's hormones, maybe it's just being tired and not looking forward to working til midnight or 2am the next few nights, maybe i don't know what's bothering me, but sometimes it seems my station in this life is one of servitude.

when we get home at night, everyone but me sits down and watches tv or plays computer games or video games. they WAIT on me to decide what's for dinner, then cook it. we eat, then I get to get up and clean the dishes and the kitchen.

last night i fixed dinner and had to run out for a few minutes. when i got home i realized they hadn't even saved me any. what's up with that??? i made spaghetti and it was all gone. i finally sat down for the first time all day and ate at about 9pm. i made nachos and they were better than the damn spaghetti anyway!!! so there!!!

hubby is good about helping, but i always have to ask him to do something. it makes me feel like his mother and i hate it.

there are bathrooms to clean, crap laying all over the house, dishes to clean and put away, vacuuming to be done, and i don't even want to talk about his laundry - clean and dirty - laying all over the bedroom.

and while i'm doing all the work, they're just having fun and ignoring me.

when i ask or tell daughter to do something, i practically have to threaten bodily harm to get it done, and there's usually complaining and whining that goes along with it.

lately, i just can't seem to get over this everyone just expecting me to do everything.

hubby says he doesn't expect me to do all the housework, but i don't see him volunteering to do it either. and i hate to ask - it makes it seem like i'm bitchy and i don't like that either.

i dunno, maybe i'm just tired, and maybe i'm just tired of the mundaneness of it all.

it all just makes me feel diminished somehow, like i'm less than they are.

i don't mind cleaning houses for people - they're paying me.

and no, i don't remember the last time a family member thanked me for cleaning either. it just seems that if they appreciated me doing it, they'd pitch in and help out sometimes.

****

that was part of yesterday's rant. and yes, i'm even more tired today, but i can only hold it in so long.

****

pity party over. time to get back into the kitchen!!!!!!!

xoxo