I didn't write this:

HOW TO BE A BETTER WRITER!

Avoid alliteration. Always.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

Contractions aren't necessary.

Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

One should never generalize.

Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

Be more or less specific.

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Hrmm. I just realized. Dave Barry breaks all these rules.

Currently listening to:
silence

Currently reading:
Karen Joy Fowler's Sarah Canary

Currently working on:
a holiday headache