MERION UNIVERSITY, WA - College junior and budding novelist Craig Hoek has recently begun editing his novel in order to include his new girlfriend, according to a press conference given yesterday.

"For the past four and a half years, I've been committed to writing the best and most exciting novel ever," Hoek stated. "Kraig Stone in Attack of the Ninja Vampires is the culmination of a decade of imagination, with several chapters being submitted to Merion University's creative writing department. I've always tried to stay true to my dream of portraying Kraig, a solitary and introverted man with a passion for writing and an ability to shatter concrete blocks with blasts of ki power. Recent events in my own personal life, however, have shown me ways that Ninja Vampires can become even more powerful, and as an author, I have to take advantage of those opportunities."

Leaked copies of the manuscript show that, until recently, Kraig Stone attended classes as a liberal arts major at Merlin University by day and fulfilled his destiny as the only man who could stop ninja vampires from taking over the world by night. One typical chapter featured Kraig, who wears a mask and cape while fighting to save the world, rescuing Becky Sanderson from ninja vampires and having her "fall breathlessly into his arms as the last of them collapsed into desiccated heaps of vile dust, her totally hot blond hair shining as she breathed enthusiastically, 'Oh, Chosen Hero, I want you so much... If only I knew who you really were, I would totally go out with you...'" Kraig refuses to use his power as the Chosen Hero to impress Becky, however, and leaves her safely at her dorm room across campus, and at the end of the chapter, the reader sees Becky Sanderson beginning to date Chad Ripkin, Kraig's thuggish football-playing roommate:

"It wasn't important, Kraig mused philosophically. Becky was beautiful, and that tan she'd gotten after studying on the lawn that one afternoon made her a golden goddess, but love just wasn't in the cards for the Chosen Hero. He'd still protect her, even if she did make out with Chad, getting Kraig sexiled to the lounge for most of Friday evening. He was destined to prowl the rooftops alone, an ebony jet obsidian silhouette in the moonlight, one man keeping the world safe, even if they would never know who he was or appreciate the sacrifices that he made: Kraig Stone, the Chosen Hero."

Approximately two weeks ago, however, Hoek became involved with Lindsey White, a freshman living on the third floor of his dorm. The change in his fiction has been marked. In the latest chapter, Kraig Stone encounters Lynsay Whitman, a young and vivacious student at Merlin who is also the Companion, fated in a recently uncovered prophecy to stand by the Chosen One in the climactic battle against the ninja vampires:

She was magnificent, Kraig thought to himself appreciatively. The way her chocolate tresses flashed in the moonlight as she spun and lashed out with a graceful Aikido kick, her stake-heeled boot piercing the vile and insensitive heart of a hapless ninja vampire and sending him screaming into a dust-filled oblivion with a seething, "Noooooooo, curse you, Chosen One and Companion! Together, no one can stand against you!" No one, indeed, Kraig thought to himself, nodding a grim but insouciant nod. Lynsay flashed him a bright smile, and he stepped up and kissed her and wrapped his arms around her, and he could totally feel her bra strap under her sweatshirt and her hair smelled really good. He thanked the prophecies again that he'd decided to go to the dorm's 80's party on the third floor...

Reaction to this planned change in direction has been mixed. Hoek's currently single friend and Everquest comrade, Mark Morris, thought that the new direction compromised the story's integrity. "It used to be all about the ninja vampires eating frat boys and stuck-up sorority girls and then getting killed by the Chosen One, but now he's wasting pages talking about how cool it is that he and Lynsay can talk about anything with each other, and how cute it is that they share desserts and hold hands in the park."

On the other hand, Thad Reskin and Becca Sullivan, Hoek's roommate and chemistry lab partner, respectively, saw the change as an improvement. "Kraig was always whining about how nobody understands him and how a girlfriend would only compromise him as the Chosen whatever-the-hell-he-was," Rifkin reported. "But now that Craig's getting some action on a regular basis, the story's really lightened up and gotten a lot less angsty."

This is not the first time that the ninja vampire storyline has changed direction in order to take advantage of Hoek's experiences. In the summer of 1999, it was revealed that the ninja vampires were actually agents in a giant computer program that comprised all of Kraig Stone's reality, and he had to fight them off in a black trenchcoat while leaping from a helicopter. In 2000, it was revealed that Kraig's powers come from a form of genetic mutation that make him hated by the general public, particularly the men's track team, which kicked Kraig off the training field while Kraig was trying to choreograph a lightsaber duel with his Science Fiction Club friends. Kraig Stone has also developed the ability to cling to walls, found a cursed ring that he must destroy in order to stop the ninja vampires, and gotten grounded by his parents over summer vacation when the ninja vampires framed him by putting lesbian porn on his computer.