Sweyn Ulafson seems like an ordinary Viking raider on the surface. He wears the requisite horned helm, wields a fearsome axe, and enjoys nothing more than a good pillage. The only difference is that, for him, that pillage is online. Ulafson is part of a new generation of Viking raiders who are using today's technology to raid and pillage from their home offices.

"I just sit in front of the computer loading up sites to the beat of my cyber-coxswain. Some days, I don't even put on my furs and horns until three in the afternoon," Ulafson admits sheepishly. "It's so much easier to telepillage -- I can't imagine how my ancestors, may their mead cups overflow onto the tables of Valhalla, were able to handle the commute."

In recent years, "brick and mortar pillaging", as the new generation of Vikings refer to it, had come on hard times. The expenses of maintaining a "brick and mortar longboat" and bandaging "brick and mortar gangrene-infested stab wounds" were making it economically unfeasible. At the same time, pillaging was becoming increasingly necessary along the high coasts. In particular, the GIFgeld, a ritual payment made for legal use of computerized images, was hurting small companies.

Then Ulafson, and others like him, discovered telepillaging. Using a computer with an Internet connection, this new generation of e-Vikings raids coastal establishments along the coast of Geocities and other lush, verdant Internet communities.

"Just last week, we fell upon an isolated 'Transformers' fan page," Ulafson boasts, showing off the images he pillaged. "They attempted to hold us off with an 'OK box' that popped up when we right clicked on the images, but by Odin, we have trained long and well with our long-axes and directory-hacking skillz. This vidcap shot of Optimus Prime blowing apart Devastator now adorns my trophy room along with the claymore of Gregor Longtooth and the antlers of the Great Elk of Dunmuir."

In order to inspire fear in their victims, the e-Vikings have eschewed their dragon-prowed longboats in favor of fearful text-messages declaring their prowess and the dread might of their gods. After stripping the images and making fraudulent purchases from online stores with Microsoft Pillage or Norton e-Pillage Pro, Ulafson will often raze his victim's index.html file and replace the body text with the message, "0WN20R3D! 8Y 0D1N +H3 411-F4+H3R -- PH33R +H4 M4D 5K1LL2 0F 5W3YN UL4F50N!!!" which roughly translates as, "This site I send to Odin, All-Father, that all may fear the mighty prowess of Sweyn, son of Ulaf."

While pillaging efforts have seen a great increase now that telepillaging has become a viable corporate option, not all business leaders are happy. Arik Wainwright, proprietor of Wainswhenitwaxes.com, reports that e-Vikings ruined his business. "They made off with my images and my homecrafted font, they tore up my bandwidth allocation and hit me with denial of service errors network-wide, they hacked my online shopping cart system and drained my Paypal account, and I believe that several of them had cybersex with my oldest daughter Gerta. I only hope that, come spring, some of them decide to come back and shop here, eventually becoming a part of the community that they are raiding. At least they left my ad banners alone. That gives me some chance of survival..."

Until then, telepillaging will remain the latest way for Sweyn Ulafson and his fellow e-Vikings to wreak havoc and claim the spoils of conquest. "By Thor's thundering Mjolnar," Ulafson declared, "we shall not rest until… friggin' Frigga, they've got porn on here! Guys, come look!"