I guess I better live at least another few years, 'cause I've only read twelve of the books in this list, which Britain's librarians insist everyone should read before they die. Three, I've never even heard of.

Now, what I want to know is, do these librarians actually keep you from dying until after you've turned in a book report on each one, like some weird record-keeping, villainous cabal, making you stay hooked up to the machines until you reach the last page of A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, and finally holler 'nuff?

I mean, librarians never struck me as literary sadists. Although, look at the way they take out their frustration over the noise in the children's room, for instance, by stamping books, instead of wringing necks. All that repressed rage . . .