Holy Hell.

Part of this training involves spending time in small groups. We have quite a diversity in our group—anglican, missionary baptist, methodist, catholic, two flavors of lutheran… fine, interesting, fun; and also, two flavors of presbyterian, one a female clergyperson, the other a man from the denomination that split off from ours over the ordination of women, whose congregation recently voted to remove presbyterian from their sign because they didn’t want to be falsely identified with the PC(USA).

Random-group-assignment jackpot!

Ugh. Dialogue amid diversity is good for all of us, and it’s part of our call, but it’s work, and I just don’t know whether I have the energy to do this particular work this week.

I am an extrovert who readily puts her random thoughts out into the blogosphere for all the world to see, and yet in every small group I join I hit a critical juncture. Am I going to commit to this process? Am I going to dive in and be real and honest and open toward others, or am I going to do just what it takes to get through? This particular week I am tired. I don’t have the energy to respond to the man who read the book whose author defines a cult as any religion or ideology that is not Christian.

What is the point? I’m never going to see these people again. I’m also a non-talker on airplanes for the same reason. One of the other people from my church who is here this week is a plane-talker. She was sitting behind me during the flight and struck up the most delightful conversation with her seatmate. I never, ever do that. What would happen if I did? What would happen if I took that kind of risk?

I may or may not find out this week.